I work from home, my university pals moved away, I can't relate to my neighbours, and remote work colleagues are equally distant to meet up.
I've tried online making friends only groups, but it's full of leching men going after young women, or people who again due to age or intellect, I can't relate to.
Actual groups outside of the house (e.g. hack spaces) are too far away or have awkward hours.
So what's left to do?
If this is actually the case, most of the replies you got are going to be hard because they are about finding a group that is ostensibly not a social group (sports league, gym, &c.). FWIW, this would also be my recommendation.
If your kids are both school aged, you might need to put significant effort into rearranging your life around something that has awkward hours. Make sure your spouse is on board (e.g. if they are feeling equally socially distanced, rearranging things for just you would make them rightfully jealous), and find something that you can make happen.
I remember emerging from the blur of having toddlers and realizing I didn't spend time with anyone. I joined a gym and am part of a bi-monthly TTRPG group. It's made a difference.
I remember having one completely rough class where all got just worked, and during a break sitting in literally a pile of other students leaning back to back, helping each other rub out bruises, tape fingers etc and thinking "is this weird? this is a lot of intimacy, I barely know some of these people." There aren't many social contexts that have that level of physical interaction at all.
It can be strengthening or healing for sure. Martial arts schools are also a major venue for interpersonal abuses of all kinds. The required intimacy and the culture of deference to authority are perfect for it. Everywhere I've trained you have people who left other schools but you only hear ominous rumors of why.
The abuse thing is certainly an issue, unfortunately. The "coach waiting until student turns 18" scenario is apparently so common in BJJ that it's practically a meme at this point, though I've been fortunate enough to go to a school where it hasn't happened, as far as I'm aware.
I don't think either of these is representative, but I've come to think no martial arts school is representative. You just got to look around and see what you find.
I did decide to try to keep up with my training by dropping into a class while traveling for business. That's where I got a bruised rib and had trouble breathing for a couple weeks because apparently there's some ego thing involved in putting visitors from other gyms in their place. I just stick with the place I know has good respectful folks now.
I haven't been to a BJJ gym since before the pandemic because the one place with night classes (9pm) shut down and the professor left the state for economic reasons.
Become a regular at a church, or if that's not your style, at a bar. (Drink responsibly, if you go that way.) Or even just a gym.
Find a way to meet some people in real life, not online. If you try one way for a bit and it doesn't work, try another. Keep trying, because you really need this.
- Religious organization - Parents of kids in our children' school (this is a big one.) - My wife making connections around town and then us taking a shot at having dinner w the couple. - Hanging out at the firehouse - I considered joining as a volunteer before we had our 2nd kid.
Also.. these are kinda suspicious statements " I can't relate to my neighbours" or "due to age or intellect, I can't relate to." That just sounds like you've defined someone who struggles to relate and isn't interested in most people - which isn't a fruitful starting point for getting to know them well enough to discover what makes them interesting.
I'm (reasonably) well paid and that doesn't go down well with some people, which I've seen first hand and accused of lording it over (e.g. explaining some gardening I was doing and accused of being posh, or using proper English, accused of being a snob and looking down my nose - nothing I'd said in conversation mentioned anything remotely suggestive of this - nor would they tell me why they said this). The aggression is to my mind unwarranted (i.e. why would I go out of my way to alienate a potential friend) and honestly I tried to avoid those situations.
The age part isn't so much of a problem, but I tried to join a HAM radio group for help with a SDR as a possible new hobby, mainly because it was local and one of the only tech focused groups nearby.
After the initial welcomes, nobody actually wanted to speak much to me although I would ask radio questions, and occasionally get half answers it seemed to be a close knit group of men in their late 50s/ early 60s using radio call signs and phrases when online (which being radio and having meetups, isn't actually that much). I suppose I could have invested in more equipment and a beginner's licence and got on the local radio but it just didn't seem worth it.
So yep, I can keep falling off this (kind of) bike and keep just getting back on, but I was hoping to try other more successful options.
figure out the benefits vs the drawbacks (such as not finding friends)
i was in this situation, and i decided to move. you don't need to move, but being aware of why you made that choice, makes the downsides easier to bear, and also opens up new ideas how to approach the situation.
after more than 10 years in china, we moved to a small city where i had no friends, and finding friends was difficult. there were other benefits of living there, and so i reconnected with old (and new) friends from back home who, thanks to covid had started online meetings. you could say, i made lemonade out of lemons.
on online meetings, keep searching, there are many more groups out there, and not all of them are like the ones you experienced.
i realize that online meetings are no substitute for meeting face to face, but consider this: when i develop a good relationship with someone in person, (even just a good vibe after a single meeting) then this carries over into an online connection. so if you can't find local friends, find friends online that have a chance to meet face to face at least once in a while. (this should also help with avoiding those weird groups you seem to have found)
for example that hackerspace may be to far away for a regular visit, but maybe it is possible to visit once every few months? check if they have an online community. join that, get to know people online, then meet them in person once, and then continue to stay in touch online.
i am actually not big on online meetings myself. from the sound of it, you probably aren't either. but if you are selective, it's better than nothing.
Source: me
You might be a step further on a path to enlightenment.
What is left to do, after all?
Maybe it's just that we cannot expect other people to make us happy, or to be happy just by being around others doing... something...
?? Sports
There's obviously a question of interest, skill, time. Still, there are sports choices out there, pickup games, leagues etc.
Does not guarantee finding a friendship but at least provides a context.