I'm commenting because I could have (and, in fact, have) said this. There's a hole in your heart that is preventing you from accurately self-evaluating. You are not seeing the whole picture because you're in the middle of it. Go see a good therapist. Consider ketamine infusions if you have the money.

I can promise you this: you'll never hate yourself into positive self-worth, the same way you'll never fill a bucket by drilling a hole in the side.