> And then you have those pods, which are collections of services (e.g. postgres + api server + some cache).

Pods are not intended to bundle those 3 services. Typically one would use higher level abstractions (Deployment for the API, StatefulSet for the database), each composed of multiple Pods that should be scheduled on different physical machines.

It’s no wonder you’ve had a bad experience trying to use it the way you describe. Following the intended patterns provides a standard way to achieve rolling updates, horizontal autoscaling, and a ton of other functionality that used to be bespoke code at each organization. The old way was often buggy, and onboarding new engineers took much longer.