Ask HN: How to cope with hostile and mean online behavior? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How to cope with hostile and mean online behavior?

4 pointsprostk4 comments

Since the 90s, I’ve been surfing the web and encountering the same issue: hostile and mean-spirited online behavior.

I always strive to behave politely and respectfully, but there’s always someone (or even most people in some communities) who is snarky and rude, or who calls me (or others) a troll. This occurred to me when I sought guidance on how to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, or even when I made a totally normal remark, such as ‘I tend to evaluate something by its substance rather than who says it and his/her history, but I realize this may not be common.’ I’ve also witnessed it happening to other users who didn’t intend to cause trouble. When this happens, I begin to tremble and feel the need to smash or punch something, and sometimes I burst into tears. To be honest, HN is one of the rare places where this is very minimal, where I feel comfortable and calm to say or ask something or read other conversations.

My question is, how can I handle this? Should I stay away from the internet because I’m not suited for it (I even suspect I may be neurodivergent), or because I can’t cope with its nature? Thanks everyone.

Good article on the subject: https://theconversation.com/dont-feed-the-trolls-really-is-g...

Ignore the Keyboard Warriors[0] and move on with your day.

[0] https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Keyboard%20W...

> 1. A Person who, being unable to express his anger through physical violence (owning to their physical weakness, lack of bravery and/or conviction in real life), instead manifests said emotions through the text-based medium of the internet, usually in the form of aggressive writing that the Keyboard Warrior would not (for reasons previously mentioned) be able to give form to in real life.

You won't get far with that approach in communication with such people on social media. That is, assuming the fault isn't with you, if you're on the spectrum, for instance, etc.

As you correctly realized yourself it is not common for people on social media to read attentively and between the lines, discern fallacies, take prior context into account or to focus on the objective substance of a subject without involving any personal attachments.

So you need to make sure you write down your entire thought process with quotes and examples. Don't skip even the obvious. Tell your position from a personal point of view, like this post, rather than formulating a more generalized, abstract argument.

Naturally, that part applies before someone starts trolling or becomes hostile.

When they do, then mute and move on. If you have no other goals, such a conversation is less than a drop in the ocean.

I mean this with full respect: Consider seeing a therapist. Feeling violent or bursting into tears over people online is not the typical response.

I don’t think just going offline is a healthy solution, since you won’t actually be addressing the issues at hand.

Unfortunately, it's easy to be mean to someone you never met or ever seen. You can let the know. It may help or not. Sometimes we don't realize we are being mean.

The fix will have to be within you. There will always be a nasty reply or post online. I know people that embrace conflict and push back just as hard. They find it satisfying. That's not me. I just let it go. If someone gets nasty. I just leave the conversation. There are other places I can spend my time. It's not worth dealing with it. If a certain place triggers you then don't go back. The internet is huge. You can find a place you like.

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