I’ve been there, and I get it. But if you’re on the path to extinguishing Big Fears, this is simply what the process entails. It’s really uncomfortable - until it isn’t.
> sometimes being trapped in a situation miles from safety with no way to get back
I’m not sure what you mean by this part. If you’re referring to the symptoms above (panic attacks, crying, dysregulation), I think you’d be better served to refrain from thinking of these symptoms as a loss of “safety”. They’re feelings of intense discomfort - but not danger. And they’re temporary.
> being traumatized for days afterwards and (very rationally) avoiding the situation in the future
Avoiding the situation post-exposure unfortunately “un-does” much of the benefit of the exposure: it reinforces the neural pathways that make you feel a sense of danger in the first place.
This is not the pattern you went to be in. If you’re finding it too difficult to resist this, it might be a good idea to begin with smaller steps. That means doing less intimidating exposures so that you can be more successful in sticking with it until the fear comes down.
> The people who want me to put myself into fearful situations are people who want to hurt me
This is absolutely not true. No one gets sadistic pleasure out of the temporary pain that anxiety treatment brings. It’s just the price of getting better: to conquer your fears, you have to go all the way through them. By analogy, you can’t get physically fit without first going though some soreness and discomfort.
Based on what you wrote, I’d highly recommend finding a therapist who has expertise in exposure with response prevention. They will know, from having treated many others in your situation, how to design a treatment program that meets your needs and that you can succeed in.