What on earth makes you convinced that a monad can be implemented in Excel? You don't understand what a monad is, so you can't know whether Excel is "perfectly capable" of it or not.
Read a bunch of monad tutorials, learn Haskell, hey, even develop some "mathematical maturity" if you can get over your disdain for math. That is the way to make progress.
It's not helpful to want monads to be tangible objects. It doesn't matter how much you want it. The world doesn't work like that.