Police court order Dotwrong

He's an international racketeer-er. We're not talking about some harmless geek who made a website for christ-sake, this is a dangerous criminal who has destroyed an entire industry by allowing people to share.

Think about what the 'S' word means for a minute. That's right, it means that if you are born into privilege and work all of your life to expand your empire, you're still equal to the untouchables! Everyone knows that some people are just more important than others and deserve a more comfortable life. Comfort is not a right, it's a privilege. Entertainment - even more so.

Now think about how our society could crumble in the space of just 45 minutes if someone were to start sharing. They have whole arrays of ICBM-mounted share-bombs. If one were to be launched, over ten million people could see a film before it's release date. I hate to bring Hitler into this conversation, but that's the closest comparison I can make. These sharers are everywhere. They're like terrorist cells - completely distributed and probably hiding somewhere under your kitchen counter, ready to pounce on you with talk of a fairer society at any moment. One minute you're cleaning a plate, the next you're a dirty Communist. The threat is ominous, dark, scary, twisted, demented and will make you wet yourself at night (water-proof bed covers for only $19.99 at BedWorld this weekend! - Ads by Google). If none of that strikes a nerve, think about the children.

Ladies and gentleman, we have a serious threat on our hands. The terror level is being raised to amber to compensate for this. Please remain in your homes and have your papers ready until an officer is able to verify your allegiance with the pepper test. Those who do not cry when sprayed are not witches. Remember that. (Be sure to catch Premier Obama's anti-sharing speech on CNN this evening! - Ads by Google.)