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Your story is really interesting because it highlights how ineffective consequences can be if someone refuses to cooperate.

I'm curious what you would consider the "correct" approach in that kind of situation is?

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I'm not an academic, but I don't really think there is a correct choice. I think there are strategies that work in the moment to de-escalate. From among those, we often have a choice of damnations regarding long-term goals (e.g. "what will she learn from this if I..."). I think we are often poor estimators of long-term impact, though.

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