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Comment by EatingWithForks | Hacker News Reader

> You should ask the mothers you know how they feel about that? The majority (i'd say the vast majority), consider motherhood the most important and best thing in their lives.

Yes, I know many women of my age. They feel really, really pressured to be mothers even when they don't want to be. Several women I know literally had to cut people out of their lives due to verbal abuse trying to pressure them to be mothers! Every mother I know also has expressed how exhausting motherhood is and emphasized how it should be an entirely uncoerced choice.

How many women do you speak to casually about this sort of thing?

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Hmm, I can see where women who disproportionately listen to, and believe, false propaganda about "how exhausting motherhood is" and haven't tried it, could be averse to taking on such a vocation. And nobody should be verbally abused about anything. It's a woman's prerogative to decide not to be a wife or mother. She doesn't need to engage in sexual relationships.

And women are pressured to enter the workforce; in fact they're forced to take extensive education, enter the workforce, and to establish a career, and all that takes effort and resources that won't be invested in motherhood or family. So, it's understandable that women rarely hear about the joys of permanent, fruitful, faithful matrimony and motherhood, and that the prevailing winds should whisper into a woman's ear that motherhood is a drag, pregnancy is a horrific experience you'll never recover from, and the best thing to do is not let yourself be weighed down by the bonds of love and intimacy with a husband or children.

It's weird you simultaneously say "its a woman's prerogative to decide not to be a wife or a mother" but also describe them as "...who listen to propaganda.." or "...the prevailing winds should whisper into a woman's ear...". Does she get to make her own decisions, fully educated on what is right for her, or does she not?

I never said pregnancy is a disease, or that motherhood is a drag. I said I've spoken with mothers who have said motherhood should be uncoerced. I said I know women who have chosen not to have children and have needed to escape verbal abuse from people who pressure them, and I hope the ability to have children without a woman involved will societally lessen the pressure women have to be mothers. I want the only people who are mothers are people who want to be mothers, not people who feel that just because they are a woman they must also become a mother. This leads to really painful, desperately sad places psychologically for women who are infertile, have miscarriages, or lose their fertility through the natural aging process.

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