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for myself (and most) the thought of my wife having sex with anyone but me is horrifying, repugnant and fury-inducing.

So if your idea of a happy long term marriage where we love each other incredibly deeply includes sex outside the marriage (i.e. swinging and similar) I'm going to struggle to see your point that the pair-bonding mechanism hasn't been broken. A totally non-negotiable element of the pair in my book is complete exclusivity.

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I'm not arguing the way we live our life is the way everyone should live theirs.

Just pointing out that this thread is echoing a false dichotomy of "many partners, no long term partnership" or "long term partnership, one partner". There is a third option, for people who want it.

> I'm going to struggle to see your point that the pair-bonding mechanism hasn't been broken

A lot of people have a fury-inducing reaction to their partner speaking to a member of the opposite sex. Is a functioning "pair-bonding mechanism"?

Sure, I guess. In my view some are way too lax, others way too controlling. The fact the some fall into one extreme doesn't discount those that fall into the other.

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