Most men live lives of quiet desperation, but I'm not one of them

There's a lot of ways to give meaning to life. You can get married, have pets, get the job of your dreams, you fill your time with cheap dopamine, you can have many acquaintances you call friends who are just as average as you - that should feel familiar enough to know you are enough.

But to find true meaning you have to know the real you. I have many traits, many masks. The mask of fear, the one of smarts, the mask of joy, but in the rare glimpses where I can be the real me, I am a dreamer, I can build realities in my head and believe in them with all my heart without ever knowing if they will be real. I can imagine worlds and even see them, I can live 1000 lives in my head, and I have, but how can the real me in a dream world? Conventional wisdom doesn't interest me, nor conventional pathways in life. I always believed I was a teenager rebelling against his parents, a poor boy trying to be rich or at least make enough money to buy new shoes, never knowing that that's the real me. I don't quit. I don't give up. When I set my mind to it, I make it happen. What I haven't realized is that the power of the universe is infinite and all anyone has to do is feel, understand and dream. That and work your ass off. There's a famous saying: millionaires don't believe in astrology, only billionaires do. I want to be me more than I want to be rich, because once that happens, peace will follow.

I have a very important interview tomorrow and I practiced with a friend, asked around, prepared, I did prepare. I prepared more than I usually do, that's how I know I'll get it. But something was missing. When talking about the team I automatically thought that I have no achievements and my employees do. So I put some phases in CHATGPT to see what it comes up with. It was pretty good, but the word that kept repeating was “nonconventional”.

And I am. After a lot of preparation, thinking about the go to market and whatnot I almost forgot the most important: be me. I'm a maverick, a square peg in a round hole, I'll never fit in, and why would I? The moment I'm close to fitting in I get bored because I'm an infinite learner fascinated by human behavior. At every party I have fun because I observe people, it's like a TV show. I look through the eyes of my persona and see how people see me, but when I look into the eyes of my persona it is hard to understand my achievements because all that matters is the next one and while biggest one hasn't happened yet: being myself.

Funny that I said "every party". I don't go to parties because I'm not invited. I'm not invited because I don't answer people when they call, I don't text back or when I do text I just say "ok".

Is a person defined by the actions they take, the feelings they feel, the words they say, the lives they live, personality traits? The problem with finding the real me is what makes up a "me".

For me, a person is defined by their actions so can I define myself by my actions? Most men live lives of quiet desperation, but I'm not one of them. I am chasing my dream, I prolonged the chase so I didn't reach the goal because the goal was always to be myself and there's nothing more scary. Until now. Regardless of the interview, I will be me, the real me and more than enough to succeed.