Comment by skyfaller | Hacker News Reader

Comment by skyfaller | Hacker News Reader

This sort of long-form writing is what attracted me to OkCupid once upon a time, before it was bought out by Match.com and gradually enshittified. I feel like there is a niche for dating people who like long-form reading and writing still, instead of the swipe left and right on one picture format popularized by Tinder.

Potential problems:

- Launching a dating app from scratch; where do you get your first users if you're ethical and refuse to fake users? (If you're not ethical, people could just use existing unethical dating sites with fake users.)

- Keeping the business from being bought out by Match.com and enshittified, just like its predecessors

- Developing a business model that doesn't incentivize unethical behavior, as OkCupid famously pointed out before it was bought out: https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/okcupid/whyyoushouldneverpa...

I'm probably posting on the wrong forum, but I don't think VC-backed startups can solve this problem. You need maybe a worker-owned co-op, or an open source non-profit like Mastodon, to have any hope of resisting the pressures of capitalism that ultimately ruin all these sites.

This was true of me in my 20s, but with experience I realized:

1. Ain't nobody (i.e. me) got time for that

2. There's no correlation between multiple flowery paragraphs trying to sound witty and quirky about oneself and the chemistry you get after sitting across a table IRL for 30 ~ 90 seconds

All the paragraphs and "FAQs about me" just aren't worth it: for me, or for potential matches of mine

> She added that she was undoubtedly a cat in a previous life, “just one of those weirdo bodega ones that like people.”

This is the nonsense I'm talking about. Paragraphs and paragraphs of it.

This is the fundamental issue with dating apps. Your life partner is not someone that you interact with through a screen.

All of the attempts to fix this are total bollocks. You can sit on a bus and get more of a signal about whether the man/woman sitting across from you is compatible than you can from an app.

I have no doubt that any platform will be enshittified or disappear eventually, but eventually we all will be dead.

The question should be how to launch a dating app in 2023 that won't suck for at least a decade.

If you could solve only the first one, you're well on your way to building a company to sell to match.com.

I wonder if there's people out there banking on using LLMs to "seed" startups with realistic-enough fake users to get the network effect bootstrapped to draw in actual users.

IIRC early reddit did something similar (although obviously not using LLMs) where they aggregated content from other sites automatically and effectively faked activity to draw in real users.

Charlie Javice knows a guy.

I think intentional in-person speed dating beats the hell out of dating apps all day. IMO some things will never be improved through appification and dating is one of them.

Or user-owned.

Dating apps fail due to an inherent asymmetry.

A small percentage of the population will attract a large percentage of the dating pool.

A large percentage of the population will attract a small percentage of the dating pool.

The job of a dating app is to give the appearance of progress and engagement to a very wide segment of the market. It sells hope and false positives.

Better? 1) Learn core social skills. Making people feel good about themselves is fundamentally attractive. 2) Upgrade listening skills. People who make others feel heard and understood are very attractive. 3) Do stuff. Fun stuff. Whatever leads to your personal happiness. Happy engaged people are attractive. 4) Stop using dating apps. Suck it up. Face confusion, rejection, and bad choices. Learn what you need to learn. Improve. Wash - rinse - repeat. People who have earned their confidence and skills are very attractive. 5) Learn to laugh at yourself. 6) Have real friends. Do stuff with them. There is a direct relationship between having good friends and feeling good about life. 6.5) Keep social media to a minimum. It sucks your attention and gives you envy.

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