I know this isn't obviously startup related, but it is. Please read.
Six months ago, I lost a family member to glioblastoma, another one of those "get your affairs in order" cancers. It was 3 months from beginning to end for us as well.
In the interim, it seems like I've had two sorts of conversations. Ones with people who have experienced loss, and ones with those who haven't. The latter group are perfectly nice people, but there's a gap. So I am very grateful that you've taken the time to write about issues that are so present to me and so many others.
And yes, of course this is about startups: Beginnings and endings. Loss and acceptance. Presence in the moment. Creation and joy. And choosing wisely how to spend what little time we each have.
Couldn't agree more about the gap. I'm glad for it, in that it means those people haven't had to experience this acute type of pain and suffering. I'm happy for them. Naturally, as time goes on, more and more of them will experience it, which I guess is another way of saying to folks reading: Take a survey of your family and close friends, count your blessings, and don't take a day for granted.
Indeed there is absolutely a divide between those who have lost a close loved one and those who have (yet) not.
It's been about 5 years since it has happened, and it's affected me in a profound manner. Although I'm only 32, I see how temporary everything is. Perhaps it's a morbid viewpoint but I'm not sad or depressed. It's just an interesting philosophy I have naturally gained from going through something so terrible. It's sort of an "it is what it is" type of mentality, and it's almost like I feel that my real age is like 65.
Ever since then, I "take stock" very frequently to ensure that I am living the life I want to live, and I am happy. If I am not, I make changes. Because I know things can sour very quickly. I understand fully now when older people say things that generally equate to "value being healthy", or "health is wealth". I try to value that philosophy every day, and ensure I find happiness in my job, my friends, and family. Indeed, that is my highest priority.
In the post, you say:
> On a more practical level, what matters most in our day-to-day lives is that we're good to ourselves and to each other. It's actually not possible to only do one or the other -- we must do both or neither, but that's a topic for another time.
Please do write on this topic. I'd love to read what you have to say on this.
My sincere condolences on losing Stephen. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a sibling so young.
I lost my mother on September 15, 2011, and I'm still devastated. I haven't missed a day of work, but I'm not nearly back to normal. My head says one thing, but my heart says another.
One of the things that brought me great comfort that terrible week was blogging about her and posting that link here at Hacker News.
http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3022366
The responses I got from this wonderful community helped me more than I ever would have imagined. I hope you receive similar comfort from us today.
As a developer who has always been short on resources, incurred huge financial losses due to false startup promises and has met two separate incidents of street violence in a span of 4 months, I wish people were nicer, helpful and more concerned about others and that there was a better environment for everyone to grow. I still feel lucky enough not to have a terminal illness. But, a lot of people just burn out because of a bad past. And that's where, I guess, being good to your self part helps.
> "What's most important is that we are good too each other, and ourselves."
Our siblings and I agree with you. Thanks for writing these lovely truths.