The worst part about this type of thing is it's not like there's a particular person you can be mad at. You can only be mad at the entire system while it tells you "your call is very important to us".
2 hours and 45 minutes later, I gave up. You win, United. Enjoy the $1200 from my Covid flight cancellation. I guess I figured I’d at least get to use it given that whole $50 billion bailout, but I guess you needed the money more than I did.