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I would love to have my own habitable storage unit in downtown SF. 200sqf, air vents, no windows, shared bathroom with shower.

It would be great as a base while traveling. I could visit between changing flights, and swap some of my gear. Occasionally I would sleep there.

I’d rather have 5 of these around the world than a single property that has way too much space for me. I never open my curtains anyway.

But it just isn’t a thing. Surely the margins would be decent? The demand must be too low.

You're describing a flophouse and/or SRO. They were slumlord-specials for a long time in the US, but where mostly regulated away.