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Comment by tw04 | Hacker News Reader

Because joint accounts have always seemed weird and controlling to me? I don’t want my wife to have to “check in” when she wants to buy something. She can spend her money on whatever she wants. We split the bills according to our income (more or less) and discuss saving more when we know larger expenses like a trip or home improvements are on the horizon.

I don’t need access to her checking accounts or credit cards because I trust her to be financially responsible and I don’t want her to ever feel like she has to justify spending money on something she wants to me.

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Interestingly enough, your reasoning is why we share accounts. I'm the sole income earner, so it would seem controlling to me if my wife had an "allowance". I'd presumably still feel that way if she worked outside the home but we had an income (or spending) disparity; it's all our money (both in how we treat it and, if it came down to it, how the law sees it) and we can both use our judgement on whether to buy something. We both have access to everything because we trust each other to be financially responsible.

We still generally talk to each other about anything over a few hundred dollars, but it's more like asking your friend to reassure you because you're not sure if it's worth it. You just want someone to say "dude you've been asking if you should buy X for months just buy it".

It does help that she hates clutter and I think everything is a ripoff so neither of us does much frivolous spending. Also I bring in far more than we need and it almost all goes to savings anyway.

> Interestingly enough, your reasoning is why we share accounts. I'm the sole income earner, so it would seem controlling to me if my wife had an "allowance".

I’m also the sole bread winner and my wife does have an “allowance”. It gets deposited into her account. I also have an “allowance” that’s slightly less than hers - what’s left over after all of the bills are paid and savings.

> I'd presumably still feel that way if she worked outside the home but we had an income (or spending) disparity; it's all our money and we can both use our judgement on whether to buy something. We both have access to everything because we trust each other to be financially responsible.

My wife and I also have access to everything.

> It does help that she hates clutter and I think everything is a ripoff so neither of us does much frivolous spending

Well, we don’t have to worry about buying stuff at all or creating clutter. Everything we own has to fit in four suitcases. :)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36306966

Our lives are really about experiences.

You're thinking all the money of both people has to go in the same join account, but that's not the case. You can have a "for the bills" join account, and then each person has their own separate account. Every month each person transfer a certain amount to the joint account to cover the bills (50/50, 70/30, whatever split works for them). Any other money is spent in the person's own account and has nothing to do with the other, no need for controlling or justifying.

> You're thinking all the money of both people has to go in the same join account, but that's not the case.

That’s quite literally what the study is suggesting. All money in one account results in the most satisfaction.

https://academic.oup.com/view-large/402916029?guestAccessKey...

> All money in one account results in the most satisfaction.

Does it though? It could also be seen the other way around as "If you're already satisfied and trust each other, you are more probable to use a join account".

The study thought of this:

> Procedure [of Study 1]: Once both partners completed the intake survey (month 0), we randomly assigned couples to one of three bank account structure conditions. We informed couples via e- mail and provided condition-specific instructions. In the Separate Condition, we instructed couples to continue using separate checking and savings accounts and to not open joint checking and savings accounts, for the duration of the 2-year experiment. In the Joint Condition, we instructed couples to open joint checking and/or savings account(s) (within 1 month of them receiving these instruc- tions), use those joint account(s), and discontinue using their separate account(s) for the duration of the 2-year experiment. In the No-Intervention Condition, we told couples that they could manage their money however they liked for the duration of the 2-year experiment.

* PDF: https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr...

"randomly assigned couples to one of three bank account structure conditions"

> I don't understand couples that keep separate finances

> You can have a "for the bills" join account, and then each person has their own separate account.

If you keep your own separate account, in any way, shape, or form, you are keeping separate finances. Transferring money into a shared "staging" account to pay bills from is just a more convenient implementation of one person paying the bills and then requesting money from the other. Either way of doing this - shared account "pool", or transferring on a case-by-case basis - is fine. What people (including me) are reacting with suspicion to, is the structure of _fully_ joined finances, where neither party has sole control over any finances of their own whatsoever.

To add, I don't want only one person the relationship to know how to manage money. If I pass away, I don't want my partner to be unable to take care of our kids because I did all the budgeting and investing.

> I don’t want my wife to have to “check in” when she wants to buy something

One does not necessitate the other.

In theory, sure. In practice literally every person I know with singular checking accounts has to check in when making any purchase more expensive than a tank of gas and expect the same from their significant other.

Why is this necessary?

For most people it's because they live paycheck-to-paycheck, at least after things like 401(K) contributions.

Of course if you are lucky enough to have $30K+ coming in per month and your necessary monthly bills are closer to $5K then budgeting and tracking spending out of the checking account is wildly unnecessary.

But if you have say $5K-$6K coming in each month and $4K of that goes to necessary monthly bills then checking in for anything more expensive than a tank of gas ($60 or so) starts to become necessary.

Why would having separate accounts eliminate the need to communicate for larger purchases for couples in the latter situation. Sounds like that would lead to even bigger issues.

It doesn't in terms of agreement on purchases. But it makes the actual logistics of balancing the checkbook easier. You definitely know that you are or are not overdrawing.

(fwiw I use joint accounts, but I can see the benefit of separate accounts if both people are working or otherwise busy and there isn't time each night to balance the checkbook.)

Separate account transactions can't accidentally cause a critical bill payment to fail from the bills account (joint or individually managed). They de-risk the effect of small purchases, which it's fine for one person to keep to themselves, on the bill payments which affect all partners.

Purchases might cause insufficient funds for topping up the bills account later, but that's on a longer time cycle, and someone will know about it. So it doesn't eliminate the need to communicate about large purchases (or the sum total of many small ones), but it does eliminate the need to "check in" before individual purchase decisions, and eliminates showing each other the fine details of all your personal transactions when each of you sees the statements of your joint account(s).

E.g. some people are happier buying a bagel every day for lunch, or maybe an ice cream, or trying something else, when their partner is not posted an electronic trail that shows each bagel or ice cream purchase every day, exactly what time of day the transaction occurred, and price accurate enough to infer number of fillings.

So, it's not "weird and controlling" like the thread OP stated but rather "honey, can we afford this?" Well that's kind of a let down.

So you don't accidentally run out of money before the next paycheck arrives.

Are you under the impression that joint accounts require both partners to consent to a transaction?

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft.

On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem.

My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her.

She has access to credit cards and our joint savings account if something comes up. She isn’t really a big spender and neither am I.

> I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on

She can continue to spend the amount you guys have agreed on from a joint account.

It’s much easier just to open your bank app and know whatever is left in there you can spend until the next pay period.

I think sometimes people need a show of things to feel secure, even if there’s no functional benefit.

But in a shared account she could spend more than the agreed on amount.

How does this work? You have $1000, spend $600. You now have $400. How does the bank allow an overdraft here? Why isn't the transaction rejected?

I guess this is a debit vs credit card thing?

You can have your bank account set to allow overdrafts or reject them.

But even then, it works different if you’re using it at a point of sale with your debit card and a scheduled payment that doesn’t immediately show up as pending.

It’s just a hassle that can easily be avoided by separate joint accounts.

Of course we have a small savings account that takes care overdrafts automatically (with a $12 fee).

If you both spend more than half your liquidity without consulting your committed life partner, there's bigger issues at hand.

If your “liquidity” is in a checking account, there is an even bigger issue..

If you are lucky enough that you both have similar spending habits, then checking in isn't required.

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