I‘ve built up the software stack of the startup I work for from the beginning, and directly went for Docker to package our application. We started with compose in production, and improved by using a CD pipeline that would upgrade the stack automatically. Over time, the company and userbase grew, and we started running into the problems you mention: Restarting or deploying would cause downtime. Additionally, a desire to run additional apps came up; every time, this would necessitate me preparing a new deployment environment.
I dreaded the day we’d need to start using Kubernetes, as I’ve seen the complexity this causes first-hand before, and was really weary of having to spend most of the day caressing the cluster.
So instead, we went for Swarm mode. Oh, what a journey that is. Sometimes Jekyll, sometimes Hide. There are some bugs that simply nobody cares fixing, some parts of the Docker spec that simply don’t get implemented (but nobody tells you), implementation choices so dumb you’ll rip your hair out in anger over, and the nagging feeling that Docker Inc employees seem incapable to talk to each other, think things through, or stay focused on a single bloody task for once.
But! There is also much beauty to it. Your compose stacks simply work, while giving you opportunities to grow in the right places. Zero-downtime deployments, upgrades, load balancing, and rollbacks work really well if you care to configure them properly. Raft is as reliable in keeping the cluster working as everywhere else. And if you put in some work, you’ll get a flexible, secure, and automatically distributed, self-service platform for every workload you want to run - for a fraction of the maintenance budget of K8s.
Prepare, however, for getting your deployment scripts right. I’ve spent quite a while to build something in Python to convert valid Docker-spec compose files to valid Swarm specs, update and clean up secrets, and expand environment variables.
Also, depending on your VPS provider, make sure you configure network MTU correctly (this has shortened my life considerably, I’m sure of it).