This was one of many gripes when I went from Android to iPhone. Holy crap, every day there was some necessary update and I had to sign into my apple ID + be plugged in at 2am or something.

Every time I unlocked that phone it would bother me.

That, a slower response time(might have been due to animations), not having widgets, and some buggy official apps like the podcast app, and I bailed from iPhone pretty quick.

I admittedly was so excited to unbox and give Apple all my personal information. Weird.

They're getting faster in Ventura. Moving to the sealed system volume in macOS 11 made them huge and slow to apply, but they're getting better. On my M1 Ultra machine even large updates don't take more than 5 or 10 minutes in the restart stage, and that can include firmware updates for the Mac and monitor (Apple Studio Display). And now with the rapid security patches there are some updates you don't even have to restart to apply (mostly).

But they don't pop up a million times and then restart your system for you while you have a long compute job running overnight...

I still don't know why both are so slow. Upgrading my mostly vanilla Devuan boxes costs me a few seconds to minutes and restarts are only to switch kernels.