What HN users don't mean to be
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Is there a word for this kind of linguistic construct?
( Possibly related: http://www.notracistbut.com/ )
It’s typically a way of expressing anger/displeasure/etc. without turning the comment into a personal insult. If I say “I don’t mean to be rude, but you made a grammatical mistake”, or “I don’t mean to be harsh, but your idea doesn’t make sense” what I mean in the former case is something like “anyone could make that mistake, please don’t take it personally, but I figured you’d like to know”, or in the latter case, “you need to clarify your idea, because you’re losing your audience; I don’t want to imply it doesn’t have any merit, but as currently explained the merit doesn’t shine through”.
Being able to make quick softening caveats without taking up a paragraph is very useful, and our language is more nuanced and powerful for having these constructions.
When talking in person you can infer this through how they say it, but in anonymous text on the internet the disclaimer is helpful.
Being earnest and dare I say somewhat unique in your discussions can often produce better results than crutching on over-used phrases. This is a reason I stick to phrases like "I apologize for" over "I'm sorry for", or "I appreciate that" over "Thank you for." When words/phrases you intend to convey become noise or just another figure of speech, why bother saying them at all?
It is then easy for some people to read such a statement as "I want to make a rude statement, but not have people treat me as having just said something rude." or even "I want to hurt you, but not have people hurt me in response."
The nature of text only communication with long turn around time means it is often for some to tell in between the two situations above. This is especially so for anyone who goes out of there way to blur the lines between the two.
Language, of course, varies, and we should keep in mind that some uses tend to crowd out others - but I definitely think that this is something like the euphemism treadmill at work.
It was nearly always totally irrelevant.
I don't mean to be rude, just saying - people use such descriptions intuitively (because it makes the story flow better), and it's not always because they are prjudiced towards some group of people.
Note that I didn't tell you about his skin color, the color of his hair, or anything else that wasn't actually relevant. Prejudice is a tough nut to crack and is not the same thing as bigotry.
Anyway - I don't see what this has to do with prejudice or bigotry. People add details to stories, because that makes stories better (at least in the opinion of the people that tell these stories).
I live in Poland, there are very few people other than white here (like, I've met black people maybe 10 times in my life), and when someone tells a story, nobody mentions race (because it's assumed to be white), but people tell "So this big bald guy says ...", or "And that gray old lady did ...". That's just how people tell stories. Is this prejudice, too?
And if I met black person and something interesting happened, I'd tell in my story, that this person was black, because I'd certainly remember that as a distinguishing characteristic, exactly like being big bald guy, or being grey old lady. Or I could skip "gray", because "gray" is the default visualization for old ladies.
Personally, I'm more concerned with the tone and context. My extended family insists they aren't racist, despite spitting out the word 'black' as if it were stinging their tongue. Also, they like to casually mentioning how much they dislike the "beady yellow eyes" of Indians (maybe), and integrate the n-word regularly into their humor.
It happens to me, too, but I at least know that it’s racist.
Anyway, if no such word exists, I'd propose propose calling them obvianyms, after what is perhaps the best-known example of the phenomenon. Plus, the fact that the term is actually an anti-cognate adds a third layer of irony, which is kind of cool in and of itself.
Are you sure it meant blocking understanding? I thought it was more like "in front of you", as in "you can't miss it".
According to http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=obvious, the original meaning was "commonplace", i.e. something you're likely to encounter along the way, and the modern meaning "evident" doesn't appear until the 1630s.
It's pretty cool when a word evolves into its opposite meaning, but I can't remember any right now, other than slang examples like "wicked" and "sick" which don't get to count.
It's interesting (and frustrating) when this phenomenon appears across different languages. The French 'pas terrible' means not very good rather than not terrible.
Some people use it as a preface to cushion their unfiltered invective, but it's in everyone's interest to give people the benefit of the doubt in recognition of the ambiguity in what we say.
I've always interpreted prefaces like that (along with its relatives "with all due respect" or the suffix "I'm just saying") as a way of turning the sentence into "This is an objective observation that should be made; don't blame the messenger". Used well it's a good way to strip subjectivity from some objective facts, used poorly it's a good way to project a subjective interpretation onto objective facts.
not that it invalidates your point, but does provide a credible reason to preface something with "i don't mean to be..."
It was discussed as a subconscious (sometimes) way to shift blame away from the speaker as an attempt to not violate (or lessen the violation of) some social norm.
Almost seems like a cross between hedging and an assurance expression ("Everyone knows that..." or "Any seasoned developer would....").
Wish I could remember more. :/
So if I say "I don't mean to be old grumpy guy" that means that what comes out of my mouth next will be a generalization and summary of my feelings that I fully know for all intents and purposes sounds like old grumpy guy. Sorry, can't be helped. That's the way the summary looks.
Most of the time people do not use such linguistic qualifiers out of some desire for self-protection or having some mechanism to inoculate them from some horrible thing that follows. It's simply a shortcut. I always thought this was pretty obvious.
I know pg posted this, and it's his site, but is there really something here worthy of this being on the front page? Is this some kind of clever editorial about the quality of the commenting? If so, I don't get it. People are trying to be nice about their criticisms?
This is telling: "There's a hell of a long conversation here, with a lot of qualifiers, but frankly I don't have the time for it." If you don't have time to contribute something meaningful why contribute at all?
The other problem with "I don't mean to be" is it's fundamentally dishonest. If you don't mean to then why are you doing it? If you must do this, just say "I'm about to be".
:D
And the old discussion for context: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1162965
http://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/comments&q=%22cit...
After edit: I recall the brilliant use of "can be shortened to" in this example from the HN Guidelines:
"When disagreeing, please reply to the argument instead of calling names. E.g. 'That is an idiotic thing to say; 1 + 1 is 2, not 3' can be shortened to '1 + 1 is 2, not 3.'"
http://ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
Similarly, a comment that begins with "I don't mean to be [X]" can be shortened to making the statement that follows the "but" in that sentence, probably for better rhetorical effect and persuasive power, especially if the statement is actually based on a reliable source mentioned in the comment.
harsh 21 ("overly harsh": 2; "too harsh: 1)
negative 13 ("unduly negative": 1; "completely negative": 1; "overly negative": 2; "negative Nancy": 2; "too negative": 2; "totally negative": 2; "intentionally negative": 1)
snarky 12
overly critical 11 ("too critical": 3; "critical": 3)
Other common phrases: an ass 8
pedantic 8
argumentative 8
insulting 6
a downer 6 ("(a) Debbie Downer": 2; "down": 1)
dismissive 6
flippant 6 ("flip": 3)
offensive 7 ("blatantly offensive": 1)
cynical 5 ("overly cynical": 1)
condescending 5
glib 5
a jerk 5
mean 4
pessimistic 4 ("overly pessimistic": 1)
that guy 4
crass 3
curt 3
a hater 3
disrespectful 3
patronizing 3
presumptuous 3
nit-picky / nitpicky 3
Terms that were only used twice: obnoxious, picky, insensitive ("culturally insensitive": 1), discouraging, crude, impolite, preachy, a tease, adversarial, coy.HN has quite the vocabulary. There's a long tail of single occurrences: meta (ed: ha-ha), naive, cheeky, shortsighted, dumb, hasty, racist (ed: surprising!), stuffy, demeaning, snide, dense, nasty, personal, unhelpful, contrary, contentious, fanboyish, cold, doom-and-gloom, frivolous, facile, accusatory, callous, lame, inflammatory, hating, ironic, skeptical, trolling, trollish, patronizing, spiteful, sexist, disagreeable, controversial, simple, overly reductionist, hard on Aussies (ed: chuckle), antagonistic, off-topic, crabby, crude, derogative (ed: think they meant derogatory), passing absolute judgement, an idiot, an alarmist, an insensitive dick, a curmudgeon, an HN curmudgeon, a troll, a jackass, a tweak, a word Nazi (ed: surely not), a grumpy gus, a dick, a total dick, a stickler, a hardass, a killjoy, a huge downer, a turd, a burden, the grumpy skeptic ...
...and my personal favorite:
"the next snarky Lisp guy in the room".
There were about 7 other things roughly fitting the pattern here, but not quite within the spirit of the rest: e.g., "trashing Ballmer", or "overly favorable towards Google".
Quoted text was ignored where possible; instances of "or", as in, "insensitive or rude", counted as a point for each, except for "or anything", which was ignored. Terms were very lightly massaged, for example, "so callous" would have counted simply as "callous".
There are probably much better ways to collect this data, but I thought this was a relevant and interesting connection.
rude 17.2m
harsh 2.1m
negative 1.8m
snarky 0.17m
critical 5.0m
an ass 0.45m
pedantic 0.15m
argumentative 0.29mOne of my pet peeves...are you usually not honest with me?
http://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/all&q=%22let+me+e...
The fact that there is more text in a comment let's the reader know more explainin' is on the way. No need to point out that you're about to elaborate. Are people worried we'll get to the end of their paragraph and not know if the next paragraph is related?
For better or worse, people are transferring this pattern to written language as stylistic device.
To the extent that people usually politely self-censor, yes, they're usually not being honest with you.
It's a verbal flag and a hedging move. "I am about to say something potentially hurtful, but I am doing it with your best interests at heart, so don't instinctively retaliate" is kind of what it's used for. Reading too deeply into the literal meaning of the words doesn't really go anywhere, any more than with other verbal rituals. Compare to the greeting "How's it going?", often used even when the asker doesn't really want to know how it is going.
So now I don't say that anymore. I just say what I mean and people aren't as likely to be offended.
1. Rude
2. Pedantic
3. Snarky
4. Negative
5. An ass
6. A downer
7. A jerk
I'd love for someone to actually analyze the results and get the numbers, though.
It would be interesting to whether a relationship exists between karma and excessive use of "most", "a lot", etc.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Neutral_point_of_vie...
That said, it doesn't really apply for statements like "I don't mean to be rude, but you're an <ethnic slur>".
There's a few things that are interesting about this whole thing though.
First, that HN's users are this good. Many other communities across the web eventually degrade into a news entertainment troll parties, sometimes needing to be removed in order to preserve some kind of dignity on the mother site. I'm sure there are worst things said here, but they are very much the exception.
The phrase itself also got me thinking about how people express things on the web. I imagine the majority of comments with that phrase have some malicious intent, but there is also the possibility that whatever idea the user is trying to convey is something not easily expressed in text through the internet impersonally. For example, a conversation on racial stereotypes will inherently have racist undertones, but it is entirely possible that people want to discuss it genuinely without meaning to offend people. Part of the problem is that it's very difficult to communicate things like sincerity, empathy, etc. via plaintext. Another part of the problem is that people are very...willing...to be offended... though I haven't decided how much of a role the internet plays from this angle.
One takeaway: if you aren't meaning to offend people, choose better words on the internet. It's likely the easiest way of saying something is offensive and will offend.
In fact you don't even need the "be" part, though it gets more complicated, you could even just analyze "I don't mean to" - whatever follows immediately afterwards characterizes the post?
(Features pedantry and inexplicably purple microbes.)
Interesting take on linguistic analysis.
The proper response to most of these statements is, of course, "So don't."
I'm surprised at some of the comments that posit intent doesn't matter in communication. Intent matters a great deal: a question can be sarcastically rhetorical or earnest, a comment can be blunt-but-helpful or simply meant to hurt, a reply can be a defensive knee-jerk or a clarification of position. It's possible for the same string of words to be either of those alternatives, the choice made only by intent of the writer.
In physical communication there are many cues to indicate the intent of the speaker. Writers must provide those cues intentionally.
"I don't mean to be" is often (not always) lazy and meaningless, of course, but that doesn't imply intent doesn't matter.
http://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/all&q=sheeple&...
Gosh, this is a terrific resource. It's almost as much fun as Google's Usenet archive, back when it actually used to work.
;)
B) It's art. It prods you into realizing new stuff about yourself and the world around you. Start realizing.
It also makes this comment a meta^2 post.
I'm sure there are as many how-to's posts.
I have to suppress "Then why don't you say it right?"