Does that mean nothing ever happens until you've agreed to a serious relationship? I do not see that refreshing or better in any way than our dating style.
You go on dates. Among people looking for a serious relationship, many women won't have sex - may not even kiss - if you haven't agreed to a serious relationship. Of course hookups exist, but looking for a hookup is a more or less separate activity from looking for a relationship, and happens in different spaces with (largely) different people. Whereas AIUI American culture is that you're supposed to do some drunken hookups and then eventually after you hook up with the same person a few times then you sort of come to a silent understanding that it's now a relationship.
I wouldn't say "way more important", but I think people would rather have a partner who they fit well together with as a household, enjoy spending time with, raise children well together (or not, if that's what they're after) etc. and have mediocre sex than someone who they had great sex with but didn't have a great relationship outside the bedroom.
(If you want to be cynical you could say it's because Japanese culture puts less emphasis on sexual fidelity, particularly in the case of paid sex workers; while a lot of westerners overstate how common or normal it is, it's certainly not unknown to have a more-or-less happy marriage where one or both partners are having sex outside and this is known and accepted by the other)
> What happens if they eventually have sex and one partner is severely disappointed, but they've already invested so much into the relationship?
Either you decide you can live with that, or you can't and you break up, which is presumably the same thing that happens if Americans date for a while and then find out they have incompatible life plans. To me it be worse to get invested in your relationship with someone who you have great sex with and then you find out one of you wants kids and the other doesn't, or one of you wants a high-income lifestyle and the other doesn't want the stress, or you never find the same things funny, or...
(I wouldn't say it's a huge investment - we're talking a few months of dating and going exclusive with that person. But you've got to put in a bit of sincerity)
If that's not how it works in Japan, cool, but what happens then? Is sex just not as important there? Do they break up soon afterward if it's not good? Do they just suffer silently?
Different cultures have always had different approaches to sexuality and partnership, and it's interesting to learn about them. Not sure why you thought that's trolling.
I think the mistunderstanding is on the word “serious” here.
I think the OP means “serious” as in “we are seriously commited to try”, not as in “we garantee it will last a decade or more”.
Also, let’s both acknowledge that serious relationships without sex are possible and not even rare. I mean, I have relatives who married again at 75, and it certainly wasn’t for the sex.
sorry, I really thought you were baiting someone to reply “relationship is not only about sex you know”…
I was just curious how the Japanese handle those "ah, you're great but... the sex was not" situations, especially being a high context and super polite society. Like do they just culturally place less weight on it, and accept that they're going to not enjoy sex much, and that's okay if the rest of the relationship is great? Do they communicate about it and try to improve it? It's hard to imagine sex therapy in that culture. Are things changing with the younger generations? Etc. I want to learn about these nuances (just out of curiosity).
And yeah, I can believe there are romantic relationships where sex isn't the primary driver, especially when you're older, but I think by and large that is no longer the norm in the US. We use hookups as a "trial run" for more serious relationships... even if sex isn't the only consideration, it at least a major one for most Americans, I think. But we're also a more individualistic and hedonistic culture than the Japanese, so I'm curious how it works there. What we might call "sex positive"... is that even a thing there?
From the anecdotes on the page, it also sounds like creepy or awkward folks have a formal way to be weird. Which sounds like a net positive. Society expects you to give your interest a heads up.
If a man declared that his efforts towards a girl were an intention to get married, and subsequently reneged without good cause, the local community would deem him untrustworthy. This could make him unfit for marriage but also for employment. So not declaring one's intention if pressed was suspect.
My grandmother did the housewife school to make sure she was going to be a good wife, which stems from this kind of worrying about public rejection. People didn't move around so much so your local community's estimation of you was important.
As for the Japanese practice, the country was essentially "locked up" culturally until the 2nd world war so I'm not surprised old practices are still remembered. (Again, not a historian.)