That's fair, and k6 is not for everyone. JS was chosen as it's a popular language with a large web ecosystem, but the tool itself is written in Go.
That said...
> I got a CI-ready Hurl config working on some endpoints for work sorted within like, 5 minutes of downloading it.
I'm obviously biased, but I'd argue that k6 is equally easy to get started with. Take a look at the docs[1].
> I’d hardly call hurl’s config bespoke
But it is. It has a unique syntax, and no other tool uses it, AFAIK. I'm not saying it's not simple or easy to understand, but it's not as expressive as a programming language. Which is fine if your tests don't require any logic, but from experience, in order to simulate accurate real-world traffic, which you probably want when writing a load/performance test, you do need some logic, different scheduling options, a way to process and analyze the metrics, etc.
I don't want to turn this into a versus battle, as there is a place for tools such as Hurl, ab, and wrk to coexist with tools like k6 and Locust. I just wanted to mention it as an option for anyone who hasn't heard about it, as any personal biases aside, I do think it's a great tool.
[1]: https://k6.io/docs/