You don’t learn how to parent, you learn how to live, in a wholehearted way, and you model that for your children.
Good parenting is foremost about growing up before your kids do.
Good parenting is foremost about growing up before your kids do.
Kids are VERY counterintuitive (mine at least). Our kid has had behavioral problems at school and at home. And it's extremely difficult to understand the root of the issues (it turns out that the pandemic, moving houses, starting school and having a baby brother all at once can be a bit much for a 3 year old).
Literally EVERYONE who is not a professional told us to smack our kid into submission. But by reading stuff and talking to professionals, you learn that some kids do have weird ways of expressing their emotions, and that acknowledging that and supporting them works. You have to completely turn the way you speak to them around. It's really hard to do cause nobody wants to confort a kid who's annoying, but it works.
None of the stuff I do with my kids would have been possible had I not learnt it as an adult. Stop the magic thinking. Read about children, they're weird and wonderfully different.
What does this mean? I never talk child care in any significant way on the net, so I feel there are way to many ways too misinterpret this. Even the nice interpretation of this would border on illegal here.
(FWIW I think I agree with you on all accounts and I have had it easy)
One of the founders of the DevOps movement once gave a talk on Dallas where he described striking a young boy who had hit his daughter because he thought especially young white boys need to learn consequences.
Anyways, although illegal, hurting your kid is a very common practice around here.
On that subject: humiliation in school by teachers has been prohibited since 1953, and is still common here too. In the first school my kid went to, there was a board on the wall in the hallway where they would write the name of bad boys to public-shame them.
When I was in primary school in the 90's, it was technically still allowed by the state, and was threated by teachers, but I don't believe it was ever actually done, and I believe is illegal now.
That said, this entire thread is a shitshow and further convinces me that no one has any idea what they're doing or probably even any coherent idea of why they're raising children in the first place or what they want for those children, and reinforces my decision to opt-out of the whole idea.
In the US? Of course not. Still allowed and in fact being done: https://theconversation.com/video-shows-students-still-get-p...
Having a child necessitates raising the child. Rather simple.
It only has one possible meaning: beat your child until they comply. A large percentage of parents have no other response. If they don't use physical violence they may use verbal or psychological violence instead.
People have a biological urge to reproduce which they're happy to indulge but are often unprepared for the challenges of raising children. Exasperation and exhaustion make shouting at or striking your child an attractive strategy. Note that this is different to (effective) discipline in that these responses are often arbitrary and unpredictable, leading to anxious and depressed children.
I don't think there's any way to really understand what raising a child entails until you've done it.
It is hard living some problem, and then experiencing that the people who are in charge of taking care of you, consistently communicate "No, there is just something wrong with you, you don't want that/that isn't really a problem".
I am very sure it was. In many parts of the world (including the USA) that is still completely accepted and normal.
Respectfully, if that's true I urge you to find a new social circle.
The people in my family who smacked their kids aren’t professionals. Plenty of professionals hit their kids though.
Would you make it practice to hit adults??? No? Why are you teaching kids that this is what happens?
It makes no sense.
My grandfather was married to my grandmother and had nine kids and then even a few grandchildren all before the age of 52 when he died.
So here I am now no children, not married, I'm past at the age my grandfather died. Staggering to my mind how mature the previous generation was or had to be.
Or how immature they really were?
Actually I do.
This is exhibit A, not only have they learnt nothing, but will reject every opportunity to learn. Exactly like my Father.
I have a daughter growing up, and every time there is a decision to make, I check what people like this would do, and do the opposite. Or at least make sure to avoid that.
This unfortunately is not a given and that's the crux of the discussion.
If every parent were able to achieve complete knowledge and wisdom about all things parenting before they had kids we wouldn't be talking of any of this.
My mother tried to be a good mom but never addressed her mental health issues, leading to four kids having pretty severe problems twenty, thirty years later.
She took decades from us, though she "tried to live" but didn't want to learn anything she didn't already know.
Society decided to dump most doctrinal support but unfortunately this has left a significant portion of the masses with little direction. But also many have little inclination or time to work it out for themselves. And even if you did start to read Jung, Nietzsche, Hegel, Hiedeger or whichever philosopher you chose there's a myriad of directions one could take it and it's a heady mix. I've started to read these philosophers but I bring it a traditional Creator grounding and it's still pretty wild.
Ultimately I don't think we have a clue what we're doing and we are prone to getting very scared and taking it out on those around us or in our care.