> I know many good men, and the defining characteristic of every single one of them is

That would stand if you considered every guy talking shit about their father as "bad" men, regardless of how they behave otherwise.

I agree having a settle relationship with one's father is better, but people with legitimate grief against their father and having objective disgust about what they did as human beings shouldn't be a disqualifying situation.

I'm also a bit perplexed by the opposition between hating someone and accepting them. You can acknowledge what someone did for you, see where they come from and accept they are who they are, while hating their guts.