Then I hurt my back three years ago doing weight lifting. I haven't been able to practice BJJ ever since, and I've been suffering with constant anxiety for the past three years. Every day since has been a struggle, with some really bad days, and some better ones.
Like when you see a master of some art, they do not stop and hesitate to do something, they just do it and it looks so effortless and yet it is an amazing thing they have done.
This is 100% false. I trained for about 3 years and the number of people that had to drop BJJ or stop training for periods of time due to injuries was high, including myself. It's a sport where you accumulate a lot of minor injuries, especially if you roll at a semi competitive pace. This doubled for people who would come in from non-athletic backgrounds (as in white collar professionals not on TRT)
That said it was the most fun i've had with sports in my life
if you're a younger man, it's a much more competitive environment. since MMA has become popular, there are a lot of guys coming in who did high school wrestling or maybe a little combatives in the Army -- so purportedly novices but in fact already quite skilled and fit. some of these have big macho attitudes and enjoy kicking your ass if you're an actual untrained beginner.
Being a good jiu jitsu teacher doesn't necessarily mean you're good at handling this dynamic. Some gyms handle this well, and BJJ gyms often have informal ways of "encouraging" this kind of guy to cool off but I noticed people don't always bring them out on behalf of a younger guy getting slammed around. So you either have to be a very fast learner or willing to be knocked around and embarrassed a lot more than the other students.