Your second is a strawman, the "entire global economy" need not moved to crypto for it to be useful.
The entire rest of your post is a stack of shallow, dismissive tropes that contribute nothing to the discussion.
There are literally no services I use or products I buy that take bitcoin.
From weekly groceries to my car insurance or, well, anything... none take bitcoin. The overlap between businesses that accept bitcoin and the things 99.9999% of people need to live their lives on a daily basis would not be distinguishable to the human eye on a venn diagram.
I don't think that is a useful definition of utility.
I beg to differ. There's a reason actually paying with Bitcoin/ETH/crypto somewhere (anywhere) is celebrated on crypto twitter, /r/bitcoin, etc.
After 14 years it's still a novel and rare enough experience people feel the need to record videos of it and post them online to celebrate "adoption".
Imagine sending a tweet in 2020 (14 years after founding of Twitter) being noteworthy. Ridiculous, right? That's what crypto looks like to those of us not trapped in the bubble/echo chamber.
On that note, I once again point to crypto twitter, /r/bitcoin, etc where you see "what's your retirement plan with crypto?" posts constantly.
Source?
This is exceedingly poor-quality evidence for your claim.
Does your utility company take crypto? Mine certainly doesn't. Therefore, in order for me to use crypto as a currency, I need to be able to convert it to fiat. Point out where exactly this is incorrect, or in what way crypto can address it without making some dreamy assumption that the world shifts to using crypto as the global currency (which will simply never happen). Did I say nobody accepted crypto? Nope, never said that.