I was thinking of conceptualizing this little angry voice as the guy from the “Inside Out” Disney movie, whose head blows up as a volcano. Those were the sorts of angry little voices that I hear frequently as my background elevator music. I never thought of that as being related to being depressed, but I certainly sometimes have a pretty hard time with that. The experience of having that turned off was really interesting. It made me think about what my inner soundscape is daily, and afterwards I really started investigating how to manage that a little bit more deliberately.
Goudarzi: Did the inner negative voices go away immediately or after the currents were flowing for some time?
Adee: I didn’t really notice it go away initially. It wasn’t dramatic. It’s just that when I looked back, I noticed it. After, when I was sort of going about my day, I felt this very deep sense of calm. And it wasn’t only for the duration of the treatment; it was a very slow come down for about the next three days. I just wasn’t this sort of white-knuckling, anxious person—that was really dramatic.
Actually this is pretty hard to do by yourself most people don't recognize this inner talk as self-talk weighing them down, so they can't get off. It took me really some time (opening up to my early experiences in childhood and fully connecting to them from a child's perspective) to recognize this perfectly camouflaged "personality" inside of me talking down on myself.
Now, it isn't gone like described above with the stimulation (cause it's part of myself) but at least I can engage with the voice, acknowledge it and talk back, before I just felt overrun and assaulted.