Hacker News Reader

Comment by emodendroket | Hacker News Reader

I think having separate finances just changes the type of financial argument you’ll have.

Either you concretely agree on the finances or you don't. If you don't have any explicit understanding/agreement, the vast majority of relationships are going to have problems. Having separate accounts forces you to come to an explicit consensus

I don’t think the rigidity of a formal arrangement like this is necessary or even helpful. Both partners’ financial status is likely to change significantly over the course of a relationship.

And if parameters change, the decisions around finances can change too.

Your response implies that its unhealthy to speak openly and clearly about finances. It's much healthier to be concrete and open about how money is managed rather than having some vague understanding or not talking about it at all. If you have a clear understanding that you've both agreed on, then a joint account doesn't provide any benefit.

No, you’re just putting words in my mouth. I don’t think it’s unhealthy to discuss finances. I think formally delineating everything and having a change management process is excessive.

The problem with 'consensus' as a whole is, its not always possible.

Just because you do something doesn't mean you agree with it.

And not agreeing with it builds resentment and breaks down trust.

I know 0 people personally who had issues over money, but I don’t live in the US. The divorces in my circles fight (but not even in court) over the kids. And most of my friends are married without a prenup. Some divorced: no problems about money. Nothing formal needed. I am not going to make some explicit consensus arrangement with my wife; if I felt that was needed, we wouldn’t be together.

Given that this is HN I expect the readership to be higher-income on average, which makes resolving money problems relatively easy as fewer sacrifices are necessary in the first place. It’s a pretty consistent finding that disagreements about either money or child-rearing are the most common cause for divorce.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com