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I will treat your comment as serious and explain why I personally use emacs.

The thing I love most about emacs is that it is joyously consistent. The same key combination to jump ahead by a word works everywhere, such as when you're opening files or navigating directories. This consistency means that I am often very efficient trying new packages that I have never used.

Maybe you've never seen someone use emacs in anger? If so, check out this video of Steve Yegge doing some stuff in Emacs: https://youtu.be/lkIicfzPBys?t=142

please point me towards literally _any_ text editor that dynamically remaps shortcuts on you.

Ah yes, the novelty of using emacs, an editor that started in 1976.

Well, the nature of emacs is that you can always add a line to your config file and have it radically change everything.

It's definitely just a fad that will die out any day now!

fact aside that I don't think I've ever heard emacs associated with novelty (the thing is as old as Stonehenge), I wish this productivity cult would die. Programming is fun and play. Discovery and experimentation are great things.