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Comment by kortilla | Hacker News Reader

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kortilla·

Scar tissue comes from leaving an issue unaddressed, it’s not related to how it’s addressed.

My wife, “it pisses me off when you don’t do the dishes on your night like you did last night!”

Me, “oh shit, I completely forgot. It’s not intentional, I’ll set a calendar reminder.”

Scar tissue isn’t from “aggressive” or even “accusatory” words. It’s unrelated.

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Your example really doesn't illustrate the distinction that you claim. Non-violent communication is not about “being nice” and not using “aggressive” words, whatever that means.

In which case the name is awful and the concept should be referred to with a different label. The point of those is to communicate meaning, if the very first thing that happens is this kind of misunderstanding that we have failed before we even started.

Ya I agree. When I bring this label I go into details into explaining it’s a method with a template etc. Or else people will get a very different idea from the name itself.

I don’t think you understand nvc: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication

> Notable concepts include rejecting coercive forms of discourse, gathering facts through observing without evaluating, genuinely and concretely expressing feelings and needs, and formulating effective and empathetic requests.

Other than my wife saying “it pisses me off”, which is expressing a feeling, none of it is NVC. There are no needs or requests expressed. There is no fact gathering. Crucially, there is no empathy building.

NVC is not about the words you say. I can imagine the above dialogue being a perfectly fine example between two people practising NVC.

It’s about what they portray. Read the link I pasted above. I explained why it’s not NVC.

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