Without sounding callous, I have to say I prefer a relationship where we don't do this and let the little things go. I'm an extremely self conscious person and already rather hard on myself and this would drive me away from the relationship due to feeling like walking on eggshells or being controlled in detailed ways.
(Married 20+ years btw)
Sure, this could be done badly and could backfire. But it could also be done in a once a week session where partners share what they feel to each other. This is what I'd like actually and I admit it is not easy. I personally get over the small things fast and tend to forget them till their next occurrence, and at some point of this repeating I end up just spitting it out on the spot. It doesn't help that my partner dismisses everything I say as a kind of being oversensitive. If it wasn't for us having a child together we'd most likely go our separate ways.
Talking about every little negative thing vs. using every little negative thing for control are very, very different things. But they look similar on the surface.