New, Simplified Twitter Blue Pricing

  1. Fire anyone with pricing strategy experience.

  2. Generate a number between 8 and 50,000.

  3. Multiply that number by the number of followers your 
     account has.

  4. Divide by 500,000.

  5. Throw this number away.

  6. Pick a random number based on a comment by an NYT 
     business reporter when asking you about the last person 
     to publicly rage-quit Twitter.

  7. Repeat every time you meet someone in the hallway or 
     one of your rockets explodes.