I’ve probably been burntout for a while. Haven’t had a vacation in a long time, haven’t been making the progress I want to be etc

At the same time chalking it all up to “burnout” seems dishonest. I’ve not been doing a good job —- I lack general discipline, have been on and off abusing drugs, been too alone and existential.

I don’t think an abrupt break is going to fix these things so I stay put, trying to fix underlying issues or make enough progress to be actually mindless on a vacation someday.