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Comment by SamoyedFurFluff | Hacker News Reader

I somewhat blame this on the way jobs are set up now. There’s so much focus on hustle hustle hustle there isn’t any time to be looking for a date or any social activity that isn’t directly profitable. It also means dates are also treated like hustles, cost centers that don’t make you money. All the people I know who spend more time in their communities (adoption groups, food banks, mutual aid funds, churches, etc) are all happily in at least one relationship (several are poly!) while the career focused people I know are miserably alone.

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Very likely you are in a bubble, because "poly" is a signifier of a tiny subset of youth who have adopted a dubious trend from certain elite circles. And "hustle" culture is also a very particular trend from a small group of online youth, and likely overlaps with a lot of pick-up artist nonsense which indeed is very unlikely to result in successful relationships.

Conversely, I know countless people who are in a traditional family-focused and career-focused lifestyle, and when you are doing that it generally means dealing with children and work, and there isn't going to be much time left over for much else. None of these people I know are super involved in their "community."

what do you mean by "dubious trend from certain elite circles"?

It could be that there are more people who can afford to not compromise and are choosing not to compromise. Not only in the financial sense, but in the social sense too where you can afford to be a lone wolf due to societal acceptance and a relatively safe environment where you do not need the physical help of others.

I think that's part of it, but it's also that some people who are successful have more to lose in family and divorce courts. I grew up watching both of my brothers wives at different times concoct plots to bury them financially and in family court rather than go to counseling and get medical treatment. As a result I grew up and already knew how I wanted a prenup written, only dated people who also had careers, and lived alone until I met someone I could absolutely trust.

It is possible to be "happily alone" for many people.

> I somewhat blame this on the way jobs are set up now. There’s so much focus on hustle hustle hustle there isn’t any time to be looking for a date or any social activity that isn’t directly profitable.

In other words, capitalism (and our capitalist society) thinks its profitable to eat its own seed corn.

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