Hacker News Reader

Comment by carrolldunham | Hacker News Reader

I always get pushback for this but I think the idea that adults 'hang out with friends' is a meme from sitcoms. I think people grew up absorbing sitcom premises as representing life. I look at my parents and grandparents they don't have many friends - there's one or two people they see once or twice a year. That's normal. Having 3-5 people who you catch up with regularly through the week and hang out like teenagers, is a premise for a comedy with dynamics. It's not real life after 30.

View on HN

The Soviet Bloc is calling: after work, you would drop in to eat and drink with your friends; or your friends would drop by and eat and drink with you -- everyday.

Materially life sucked; but less shit to worry about, and you had the stuff that mattered: relationships. Couldn't get anywhere in that sort of world without them -- so everyone made an effort to cultivate friends, or atleast many acquaintances.

Now? You don't need friends -- you have money. Neither are you willing to suffer through another's perceived faults. Everyone is quick to turn others into persona non gratas because of silly things like political views, or a certain character quirk that drives the neurotic insane, or the way they dress, speak, or act.

Doesn't help that it starts at the familial level. If your family isn't large or your family hasn't made the effort to cultivate relationships, then you're less likely to be exposed to other people, and build your own from there. +1 to how most American families are tiny, and most aren't intimate with their extended family. No one knows how to get along with other people. Everyone has to be a perfect piece of furniture to be allowed a place in the dining room of one's life.

And who has the time? There's so much shit to do. Gotta spend all my free time building up my career. My neighbours? Why would I waste a perfectly good evening drinking and talking about life, when I could go to my company's happy hour to schmooze with my colleagues... or better yet: get a good night's rest so I can give my 100% to my company's: shareholders/c-suite/founders/whatever. My neighbours aren't gonna get me that promotion -- so fuck em.

Shit, my house needs renovations. I gotta bring my kids to piano recital. I gotta get a repair man for the washer. I gotta buy new clothes, because my old ones are starting to fall apart. I gotta bring my car for maintenance. I gotta watch entertainment because I'm so fucking exhausted from selling my mind for the privilege of being able to stay alive. Gotta set up a doctor's appointment because I got RSI in my hands. Gotta call up my insurance company because they denied another fucking claim.

Material prosperity is a pox on the human soul.

I agree that the hanging out at home with friends thing is probably over represented in sitcoms for plot purposes. That said the entire culture in Europe historically centred around working then going to the village or town pub/tavern/restaurant afterwards for drinks, along with church on Sundays. And this still is life in a lot of places. In addition, the majority of people would probably stay where they grew up rather than moving away for study and work unless forced by war or famine. And going back even further we lived in close knit hunter gatherer tribes. Only seeing your friends twice a year is definitely not normal human behaviour when viewed historically.

That’s definitely true if you have a family which your parents and grandparents did by definition. My wife and I have just a few friends we see irl regularly (couple times a month) but that’s about it. I still keep up with my college friends but it’s over iMessage as we’ve kinda scattered geographically over the years. Between my wife and kids I feel pretty socialized and don’t feel the need to seek out anyone else.

That's how life was before smartphones.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com