Ask HN: How should one work with severe chronic pain?
This physical pain makes concentration extremely difficult. It has become so challenging that I quit my software engineering job of 10 years a couple of months ago due to my inability to focus on the work required.
Severe chronic pain is probably similar to severe ADHD in terms of how it affects productivity, except that attention loss is caused by your body constantly sending pain signals. There are no drugs that I have found to help, at least not ones that don't cause significant harm to the body in other ways, such as opioids.
Unlike ADHD, severe chronic pain is not legally considered for disability, despite its impact on effectively performing jobs that require deep concentration or physical labor. I can still move, my range of motion is good, and my mental faculties are normal, except for the aforementioned ability to concentrate. It's just that I'm in constant physical pain. The U.S. government doesn't consider any of this as qualifying for disability.
I'm currently unemployed with state insurance, but the insurance is more for catastrophic accident coverage (car accidents, etc.) than for helping me with my chronic pain. When I had private insurance, I was never able to get proper treatment despite trying for years, and all it amounted to was enormous medical debt. I could probably find an engineering job, but I fear I would have the same problem of not being able to concentrate with the pain I'm in, despite how much I love programming. It's hard to be around people when you're in constant physical pain. I feel like I have a miasma around me, and I don't want to spread that to others, so I feel I'm better off alone. Previously, I would just hide my emotions at work and pretend everything was great, but the pain has reached a point now where I can't continue to do that (the pain causes me to physically grimace during web meetings sometimes). I'm spending my time now improving my engineering skills (React, Vue, etc.) and doing contract work; it's just an uphill battle with the pain.
I'm honestly unsure about what path to take in life. It's a terribly tragic thing when the physical human body gives up despite the mind and soul wanting to thrive, especially when young. My body has been broken for so long that I can't remember what it's like not to be in physical pain. I see other programmers and think how nice it must be to just code and not worry about pain, and reminisce when I was the same. I've long given up on my body healing on its own. The saying "All things heal with time" unfortunately isn't true for severe chronic pain.
All said, while my body has given up, and despite these depressing writings, my mind has not given up. My only goal in life has always been to live as long as possible to witness and experience life and future advancements in civilization, and that's still the case. I just wish I could have done it pain-free like most people my age, instead of having to live the rest of my decades in constant pain.