I think reasons for slow adoption are probably a mix of:
1. Lack of developer awareness.
2. Security implications (or perceived implications) of exposing memory directly to a network without passing through CPU or application-level access control mechanisms.
The second point may be prohibitive for a lot of general purpose database systems which are intended to be run on shared infrastructure on virtualized instances.
Another reason may be that a lot of production systems are CPU-bound, not memory-bound. RDMA seems ideal for systems which require a lot of memory. I'm thinking maybe with recent advancements in AI/LLMs, it could be an interesting technology as these do require a huge amount of memory relative to CPU.