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Comment by spacedcowboy | Hacker News Reader

I never used to think I wanted kids, until I had a kid.

Life-changing doesn't even begin to describe it. Everything changes.

Yeah I know this is hacker news and this comment is completely non-tangible but I was sort of similar. I did want kids but I never considered myself in a life position where I was ready or prepared for them. In hindsight, I would've probably put it off until it was too late. But they happened. And transitioning from child to parent gave me a strange sense of connection with all the generations of life that came before me so I could be here. I know those generations weren't all good (my parents were both emotionally abused by their parents). But regardless it definitely brought a different feeling to being a part of this species and it's timeline. Not one that I ever felt in touch with the same way previously.

For better or for worse?

Both. It's the journey that counts, and it's a difficult one.

The first few months were a living hell, compounded by myself and my wife not living close to family. Knowing its on you, and only on you can be hard. Ever since then it's been pretty good...

Now he's 11, it's all about him figuring stuff out, and it's kind of awesome to see the thinking going on when he's trying for malicious compliance... Which I let him get away with, as long as it's within the rules he was given. No better way to train a brain :)

Some changes are definitely worse, and some are better. Overall, my experience is that it's a net win.

It's like running a startup. Hard but fulfilling.

You don't do a startup because it was going to be easy. Highs and lows. In both cases you are crafting something deeply personal. Both take commitment and sheer will. Having the right co-founder is paramount.

What if you don't find it fulfilling? What is left?

The future of the world, or at least the portion of it influenced by a probablistic power factor as it applies to your offspring. If you choose not to have children, don't worry, other people will more than make up for your genetic absence. Not necessarily the ones who are helping contribute to a promising future for humanity.

“They say sufferings are misfortunes, but if I was asked whether I would stay as I was before I was taken prisoner, Or go through it all again, I would say, "For God's sake, let me be a prisoner again”. For me, when our lives are knocked off course, we imagine everything in them is lost. But it is only the start of something new and good. As long as there is life, there is happiness. There is a great deal. A great deal still to come.”

- Tolstoy in War and Peace

Yes

For me, far better. And that's not something I expected, nor could I have explained the experience even to myself from beforehand.

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