Ask HN: Diagnose Me: Why Do I Lack Ambition and Drive | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Diagnose Me: Why Do I Lack Ambition and Drive

5 pointsWhatWrongWIthMe6 comments

Hey HackerNews community,

I'm posting this here because I'm hoping that some of you might be able to help diagnose what's wrong with me. For years now, I've struggled with a lack of ambition and drive. I've tried building startups in the past, but I fell into debt and had some negative experiences that left me feeling deflated.

Nowadays, I spend most of my days at home smoking weed and playing video games, while working part-time as a software engineer. I know this isn't a sustainable or fulfilling lifestyle, but I just can't seem to find the motivation to do anything else.

I feel like something inside me is not alive, and I'm struggling to figure out what it is. I want to change, but I don't know how. Has anyone here experienced something similar? Do you have any advice on how I can overcome this lack of drive and ambition?

I appreciate any insights or feedback you might have. Thank you for your time.

Hey, congrats on summoning the courage to ask for help! It's really hard to admit that your life is becoming unpleasant.

First, I highly recommend finding a professional to chat with regularly. I've had great experiences with therapy!

If you're too far into debt to take care of your mental health, email me at hello@taylor.town and I'll pay for it (I'm currently unemployed, but I'll dip into my savings haha).

[1] https://www.betterhelp.com

Beyond that, it sounds like you've already identified weed and gaming as problems.

I beat my alcohol addiction last year, and holy sh*t life is so much better here on the other side. I never figured out how to moderate my drug use, so I just stopped everything cold-turkey. Sobriety sucks, but addiction is hell.

I don't recommend moderation. Donate your games to a local goodwill and trash all your weed.

If your friends don't support your new lifestyle, find new friends. When I quit booze, my friends made sure that I never felt left out when I needed them most. That's what good friends do.

Realize that if you don't change today, you will waste the rest of your life feeling like this. Things will not magically get better unless YOU start the process.

Best of luck to you, and email me at hello@taylor.town if you need support!

Honestly, it sounds like depression. Talk to a counselor.

As a secondary observation, it seems as though that you lack responsibility. Accepting responsibility is what gives you a sense of purpose, regularity, and fulfillment. Responsibility is something that you must accept willingly, otherwise you will resent it.

I suggest that you find someone to help. It could be an older person whose grass you mow, snow you shovel, and check in on regularly just to make sure that they are OK. It could be an after-school program. There's countless needs that will not be answered unless you actively choose to help. You can't do everything, but you can do something.

Lastly, I suggest that you cut out the weed and limit the video games. The weed is most likely just a coping mechanism for whatever is causing your depression (so, too, is alcohol, overeating, etc.), and rather than dealing with it, you are masking it. Video games are similar. I love playing games, but I intentionally only play social games with my real-world friends (yes, I play Fortnite just so I can talk to friends across the country!). Otherwise, it, too, becomes a mask of deeper problems.

Good luck!

I am not a psychology professional, and you should seek professional help for personal matters.

I recently read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) here on HN under the title “How to Do Big Things.” The goal of the therapy is to learn how to identify those things that have solid meaning and to then follow through with achieving them.

Perhaps your subconscious doesn't see something to look forward to; something for which it would be worthwhile to be ambitious. And I could't blame it :/

You have a beautiful life, I hope your debt is not millions.

Stop smoking hallucinogens.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com