Just responding to some of your points - sorry if this comes off as abrasive.
> a few members of my team would get up at 2pm to get coffee and chat about work and life
If I stopped programming arbitrarily at 2:00pm when my hours are 9:00am-5:00pm I expect to be let go (unless I'm taking this as my lunch period). Especially to socialize over coffee. As a production-level IC I just can't do that ethically, and perhaps this is a personal fault... but I'm paid to keep my nose down and develop software solutions, not to socialize with colleagues. If we need to meet over work it's best to get that on the calendar so there's some expectation of formality - not in some adhoc social hour/afternoon.
> People who say "I don't have friends at work" with pride are completely foreign to me.
I don't say it with "pride," but I have 100% learned to put distance between my personal and professional lives. Example: every time I have had to deal with suicide scares it's always been a professional relationship/colleague of sorts. It's been three times now, and for some reason I seem like a trustable enough person that people put this on me. I hate it.
Then, there's people who I have thought were close friends who completely ghosted me after moving to a different company - who knows, maybe it's me. But I've heard lots of people express similar frustrations and it's just pushed me to consider every work friendship a "work friendship." I have more equitable and consistent relationships when I make friends outside of my profession, I invest my time and energy there.
Finally there's the emotional investment. When it comes to employment I am not part of a "family," and I'd really appreciate that sort of language to stop. Right now. I am selling my time and labor to a business to solve problems and fulfill operational duties that they require of me. At any point, employer or employee can terminate that relationship because "at will." This is surely not a "family," and I personally believe it is not an ideal spot to sink your social energy. I've seen people have their careers pulled from underneath them after over-investing socially into the company - they do not do well. I'm not here to emotionally invest during my 9-5, I'm here for business. Unless it's a requirement of the job (sales, vendors, talent aq, etc.) I am not putting myself out there socially/emotionally.
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Sorry to share some anecdotes but I think there are very valid reasons to put distance between your work relationships and your personal ones, purposefully erecting a buffer. I think it's very valid if someone wants to keep their work relationships just that: work relationships.