Jerks might win the battle, but nice guys win the war
bigthink.com
bigthink.com
Ultimately these types of jerks only exist because they were lucky enough to be born into a society civilized enough to tolerate them but not yet advanced enough to do anything about them. Not much earlier in history you needed to behave this way you would need to have some sort of physical or social power to back this up. A person can get away with just cutting in line because we (rightfully so) abhor violence more than we do the breaking of minor social norms so the chance that someone will just bop them on the nose are extremely low, and as a civilization we still have a plethora of bigger issues to address than mild cases of jerkish behavior.
The way I see it, the fact the people can act feel like they can get away with acting like this is a sign that we are becoming more civilized. From here we either advance to eventually we reach the point were the police and the courts have nothing better to do than issue fines cutting in line without permission, or we regress and jerks need to live with the reality that anytime someone may decided to just shank them and pay the wergild.
Civilized doesn't mean "meek" or "long-suffering", consequently it isn't civilized to tolerate behavior unbecoming to living in a good civilization (aka uncivilized behavior).
A more civilized society doesn't suffer people who impose on others, or who put themselves first at the cost of others. A more civilized society is one where people don't cut others in line in the first place, either because they have the decency not to, or because they know they'll pay consequences if they do.
They'll go to the back of the line with a simple "The line starts over there", as long as you're willing to fight in the small number of cases they're so insane they would in fact have a full on brawl at Target over a line.
Most of these jerks could be stopped with a simple "there's a line", the more egregious cases might need a snapshot and a post to r/iamatotalpieceofshit or similar.
I think being more prone to violence in general as a society doesn't change anything about the jerks.
Being a jerk is relative to the rest of the society. They were simply more violent than the average individual in the wild west, but they existed too.
I also think "jerk" assessment comes from people who do not accept such world, do not want to compete and prefer to be in the comfort zone, and blame surrounding instead by calling names.
when peoples' livelihoods and money are on the line there's absolutely no backing down or you're going to get chewed up by these kinds of people.
it's the sociopathic types you really have to worry about because they're both at the same time. the only upside to a jerk is they're transparent and it's usually not personal, they're just a jerk to everyone.
It's like believing in the afterlife where some supernatural entity judges people fairly and will cast the evil ones into eternal torture. But instead of believing that it happens after death, it only maybe happens before death.
But it doesn't, and they know it, which makes it sting even more.
It's a story that's still deeply embedded in cultural storytelling even as society becomes less religious. I can't tell whether it's not working well because people are discontent or whether it's working well because without it they'd run amok.
This is complex the ugly nerd often only thinks they have a good heart. It's their self-perception, which, if you listen to women, is not a shared perception.
The opposite gender counterexample is a "jerk with a heart of gold."
> The myth that people are really considering non-physical factors into their mating choices
Did you mean that people primarily select for physical attractiveness? This reads like you think people never consider non-physical factors, which I think is trivially disprovable.
Look, I'm not saying that hot people don't fuck more often. But I am saying that the ugly nerd with a heart of gold is ... also a toxic narrative, and is based on the nerd's belief they have a heart of gold. I frequently read the 2x chromosome subreddit for what interactions with self-professed "nice guys" are like, and I wouldn't for a minute think these dudes are even halfway decent people.
In my experience, most people aren't all that kind to people they're not related to or well-acquainted with. Those that are tend to be taken advantage of and looked down on.
> Did you mean that people primarily select for physical attractiveness? This reads like you think people never consider non-physical factors, which I think is trivially disprovable.
People do sometimes consider non-physical factors, but only after they filter based on physical attractiveness, and usually that's only for long-term mate selection rather than casual sex or affairs. Like, I'm a complete POS with a horrible attitude and personality, no money or job, and an extensive criminal record, but I never have difficulty finding sex partners because I'm slightly above average in height and have a symmetrical face. My friend who works hard, is always honest, and will give you the shirt off his back - he can't get the time of day because 5'2".
lol.
So you might consider joining a monastery with other nice people.
Yes, the ex-friend who cuts in line because he believes nobody else matters is an asshole. But that's not remotely the same thing as being disagreeable.
You can be a genuinely kind person and still be a "jerk" when the situation calls for it. That's called having a spine. The nice-guys-vs-bad-boys dichotomy is a juvenile coping mechanism adopted by people who are afraid to assert themselves.
Yep.
> if Bregman, Dunbar, and Wilson are right, when he gets found out — when people fully realize what he is — then he will be alone and outcast.
That's a lot of hypotheticals. Maybe the boss is a jerk, but he's still the boss.
It isn't a black and white jerk/non jerk. I want my neighbor to be nice to me, and a jerk to the guy who tries to rob my house.
Be loyal to your team, and give the other team hell!
*facepalm
"being a jerk gets you rich, promoted, and laid. Being a jerk is sounding pretty attractive."
and much later
"when he gets found out — when people fully realize what he is — then he will be alone and outcast"
If you want to not be a jerk (and I, like you, don't want to be one) you have to accept that it is going to cost you in terms of social success, wealth and so on. This doesn't mean you can't be a success (in those terms) without being a jerk, but you can't be as much of a success, and that you will be outpaced, on average, by people of similar ability who are willing to be a jerk.
Accept this, and yet still choose to not be a jerk. You can do it. I believe in you.
(Unfortunately this is exactly the advice a jerk would give you: one less jerk to compete with...)