1) I constantly set ambitious goals for myself and fail. That doesn't make me less happy.
2) Happiness isn't my goal in life. It's not a healthy goal either.
2) Happiness isn't my goal in life. It's not a healthy goal either.
Not sure if you were going to go there, but lets skip the 'on a permanent heroine IV' interpretation of happiness.
but i aim for peace which isn’t joy
i find pleasure to be destructive (sugar, sex, booze, drugs)
so i’ve been aiming for peace which isn’t happiness but it is pleasant without causing me to crave more of it
where joy or dopamine rush always makes me want moar
Also, stoicism.
Sugar, booze, drugs, video games, social media, television, etc. are destructive. Those are unnatural things which are engineered to give a dopamine rush. I've been healthier in periods of my life when I did. Going "clean" is stressful, but lands me in a healthier place. I can't usually do that because of family and social ties.
The odd item on your list is sex. Sex -- in the context of a permanent, stable relationship -- builds social bonds and helps emotionally regulated. Studies show that too.
in shorter term relationships it makes me want sugar booze drugs more
sometimes it’s like
oh this is “pleasure” why not get more
i hope that in a committed relationship it would be different
I'm not going to generalize to anyone else, but for me:
- Casual sex is psychologically harmful.
- Regular sex with e.g. a spouse is healthy.
I find that it (1) Builds a close emotional bond. Conflicts don't seem so important. (2) Emotionally stabilizes me and makes stress go away.
As well as a number of additional positive effects. The older I grow, the more I agree with conservative, traditional cultures about sex: One lifetime partner is ideal. A small number or zero is okay. A large number is bad.
I'll mention: I'm not drifting conservative overall. Some places, I'm to the left of the left, some to the right of the right, some off-axis, and some at the center.
A good book -- more mainstream than most of these comments -- is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Frankl. It has been listed as one of the ten most influential books in the US a few decades ago, although has fallen somewhat by the wayside in recent years. I believe the core thesis. It's worked well for me.
Leading a meaningful and purposeful life, having good relationships, helping people, doing interesting things, learning, and growing tends to be a more effective path to emotional well-being than searching for happiness.
To answer your question directly: My high-level goal is to leave the world a better place than I found it and to have a positive impact on the lives around me.