You can make a lovely hat out of previously-used aluminum foil.

Is that supposed to be cute? Fuck you, Google. You introduce a new privacy policy that's gonna scan through my mail in my searches, and then you show me this message when I empty my gmail trash? Sure - it must be me that's a paranoid tin-foil-hat-wearing conspiracy theorist, when the whole world's coming down in condemnation at the disgusting breach of public trust you're trying to pass off as just another change in your fine print.

Well, up your ass. I need to be tracked and monitored by you like I need a goddamn hole in my head. I'm not closing my google account; I'm just gonna poison it with as much false information as possible. I want your advertisers to spend their money selling me pink iguana slippers for my transsexual third lover. I want them to spend millions of processing cycles trying to figure out how a conservative christian can love matzoh ball soup and read the Koran. I want you to fucking die, already. And please take facebook with you. Thanks.