> I've seen many of these clever VR headsets do extra stuff that I don't care about, like allow you to look around a virtual cinema or see other virtual people who might want to virtually watch a movie with me or some nonsense.
That's kind of the selling point of a VR headset, yes. That's the sort of functionality that got most people interested in it.
> I don't want any of that. As the adjacent commenter surmised, I just want a television strapped to my head.
This product category has existed for decades, eg:
https://www.amazon.com/I-O-Display-iTheaterN-I-Theater-Displ...
It should be possible to find an HDMI version somewhere.
I don't think they ever got any traction, because this particular use case is so limited, but I'm sure they can still be found somewhere (try ebay, or look for cheap chinese brands taking advantage of interest in VR)
That said, IMO the best solution available is the Quest 2. I don't think you'll just find another headset that's going to be affordable and have a good image quality. The hardware in it is excellent.
It does all the VR stuff you don't want, but all you seem to need is a video playback app that will make sure to keep the image in front of your face regardless of head position.
You won't have company if you don't want it to, the included app simulates an empty cinema except for yourself in it.