Hacker News Reader

Comment by luxuryballs | Hacker News Reader

you immediately blocked on discord after sending the rejection message making it impossible to even say “thank you, good luck” in response, so there was no feasible way to reply or stay in contact or even follow your game, and I remember thinking he’s going to regret treating people this way later on when it comes time to build a community around his game… lesson learned now I hope?

View on HN

I just checked my discord and I dont have anyone blocked. I close/leave conversations so I dont clutter my inbox, so maybe discord internally severs the connection? (That would be really good to know moving forward). (edit: I also dont recall "immediately" closing any chats, but I may have?)

Anyways, sorry you feel that I wronged you, it really was not my intention. I received over 30 responses last time and it's a lot of work to interview everyone, then video interview them. It looks like you are running a discord yourself and managed to build your own community, which is great. Maybe you have an idea how much work this is, and perhaps you are better at handling this type of work than I am :)

Discord won't let you dm someone unless you share a server with them (or you're friends with them), so if you just happened to leave the server you shared, it could look like you blocked them.

there was never a shared server, and I expect it was exactly that, a block or a friend removal, DMs worked fine until they suddenly didn't after the "sorry we had only one slot to fill...", but that was hardly the issue (it was the lie about the "other community" invite) and perhaps he was just afraid people would try to argue? it was just a little jarring, after having what seemed like a good faith, face-to-face convo, to write "no problem at all, thanks and good luck on your project, I look forward to..." but it didn't go through because suddenly DMs didn't work anymore

This type of interaction is exactly why I stopped running communities online. People thrust their expectations upon you and then expect you to do either mental labor to meet those expectations, or emotional labor to make amends for not meeting their expectations that you never consented to in the first place. It burnt me out very quickly.

lol there were no expectations other than those that were presented, we had a face to face call during which I suggested an idea: send discord invites to a secondary server so all the people who didn't fill the open slot could meet up since they were seeking similar connections and later during that same call he literally said "funny you should say that because it turns out that's exactly what I am doing!" but this was a lie or at least immediately forgotten (which is what made the "that was my plan all along" part seem like a lie)

Calling them a liar publicly when you didn't have all the context definitely counts as asking them to do emotional labor for you.

not my discord, but either way, just be careful what you tell people if you don't intend to follow through... and now that you can see my responses I can finally say: thanks for taking the time to video chat with me and good luck on your project!

Reply on news.ycombinator.com