Hi. Feel free to ignore all of this. I hope this helps (selfishly, it helped me a bit to type). I see comments that are giving good advice. Some are suggesting that what you are feeling isn't rock bottom. In my opinion, whether or not that is true doesn't matter. Reality filters through the lens of your mind. If you feel that this is the case, it is. To you. I have been, and still go through, the same things. Because of my past, I have issues trusting people, and knowing that it is true doesn't help. I no longer have many friends, few meaningful relationships, and many people could care less if I exist. I review the history of my life and sometime wonder if my existence was a net positive for those with which I have collided. Only a core set of people who helped raise me know me and love me for who I am. There are fewer of these as time passes. Finding someone you trust that you can confide in without judgement helps. For me, being able to express how I feel to another person who cares about what I am thinking has helped immensely. By nature, I am solution-oriented and get stuck in a kind of mental fix loop when I encounter a situation I can't control or resolve. I am working on trying to focus on the situations I can control, and ceding the rest to "what is". I Recommend that you approach your therapy as a way to unburdon yourself without the expectation of a fix. The fix will come. This seems like everything that matters. If you can, try to zoom out. Try to do something new. Try to see that this is a tiny situation in the fabric of reality and choose to change it. Again, I am just a random friendless internet dude talking out of my ass. I am not qualified to offer advice, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.