Comment by noodlesUK | Hacker News Reader

Comment by noodlesUK | Hacker News Reader

I would try to understand that this has nothing to do with the relative technological capabilities of the phones in question, and you should try to stop yourself from seeing it that way. As you're an HNer that might be hard, but it's important to understand that this is a social issue -- not a technical one --, and kids can be ruthless.

There are a couple ways you can approach this particular issue.

1. You can capitulate to the demands that your child has, and get him an iPhone of some appropriate variety. You can attach some strings to this, maybe he needs to work or do something else and this can be his reward, or you could just give it to him. Sometimes it's best to pick your battles, and you could have a conversation with him about that.

2. You can continue as you have been doing to try and teach your son that the kids are wrong, and that he can be resilient against this kind of bullying. (I don't think I recommend this strategy)

3. You can tell some other authority figures about what's going on. The outcome of this will largely depend on who they are, and how likely they are to recognise/care about the bullying.

EDIT:

The most important thing is to talk to your son about this, and listen to what he has to say. You might think you're an expert on phones, and you probably are. That doesn't matter. Let your son explain how he feels, and work through a plan to make the situation better. Bullies prey on insecurity. Help your son understand what's happening and let him know that you are a person who can help.

Totally agree. "To listen" but people need so much more on what it actually means to provide non-judgmental emotional space. Based on the OP already trying to have made a technical argument, there is already likely a decent amount of emotional damage that OP's son has already experienced and may not be willing to have that conversation or listen.

IMO, option 3 can also be highly ostracizing depending on the circumstances. Maybe the bullying based on the phone will stop, but it's also possible the kids decide that "OP's son is a snitch. So full of shade. We don't want him around."

There's a whole slew of conversational skills that would be useful to develop in OP's son for dealing with adverse situations like this. Especially in deescalation and conversational redirection techniques.

I also wonder in which context the talk about his phone being lame occurred. I.e. was it really just because it looked different than the other phones (so literally everything else than an iPhone would be "lame") or did the friends do some common activity where he couldn't participate as a non-iphone user? (ecosystem lock-in)

Green bubble, broken group chat perhaps. If he’s in the US chances are they’re using SMS to text.

I think I would also go this route. First I would try to make sure he can feel can confident, then I would try to understand what is the "lame" thing and try to find some "wow" alternative, so kid could respond with "does your phone can do that?"

I was also bullied as a kid and when my kid will have similar issue, I will try to explain him how bullying work and what gives then satisfaction, so he could stay confident and show something unique about himself.

As I think OP is technical person that knows well android ecosystem, maybe he could even build some cool app (something that just looks cool, depending what kid would think would impress other kids) - eg maybe some chat app that with gptchat with prompt to pretend to be some celebrity/YouTuber/etc?

Do you just think 12 is too young to teach a better response?

I think you can do both. It can be a teachable moment where you talk about bullying, materialism, etc, but also show that you're willing to listen to the kid's grievances, and support them. I think what is important is letting the kid decide what to do and giving them some agency over the situation (where they currently have none). If they want to take a principled stand, they should be encouraged to do so. If they've decided that it's not the hill they want to die on, that's okay too, so long as it is an active choice.

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