Hey that mirrors quite a bit of my own journey. Are there any specific kinds of yoga, meditation, or modalities of therapy that have had an outsized impact on your progress?
The kind of meditation is very important. There are some meditation practices that therapists urge people with trauma history to avoid, and Vipassana is the specific type of meditation that is recommended because of the clarifying nature of the practice. This is the type of meditation that has been subject to studies with positive outcomes.
Other forms of concentration practice may be a stepping stone to Vipassana if they help someone with concentration, but can also be a gateway to less ideal experiences for someone with trauma history. It can also be a path to nowhere if you stay on these other practices without understanding the differences between them.
Regarding therapy, the type of therapy matters too, and will depend on your history. EMDR is not widely accepted as treatment for trauma, and is not for everyone. I’ve experienced the power of EMDR directly and it helped me reduce the effects of more recent events (I was in a car accident that deeply unsettled me for a time), but trying to apply therapy to other events that had even tangential connotations with my past resulted in getting completely stuck during EMDR sessions. My current therapist fully supports the use of EMDR but has cautioned me against it for complex trauma history and my personal experiences confirm that this is good advice for me.
I think the most important thing here is that YMMV and do what works for you, but be thoughtful about it and understand the key differences between available treatment.
But even though therapy modalities can vary greatly depending on your past experiences, the recommended gateway into meditation is consistently Vipassana and from what I can tell this is for a good reason. This isn’t to say other forms can’t be useful and another comment pointed out some useful resources above, but there are definitely some paths that will lead nowhere.
I've been using the same Waking Up app mentioned in the sibling comment. I started going down a bit of a rabbit hole on consciousness awhile back, and eventually that led me to Sam Harris, and his book "Waking Up" was a bit of a gateway for me. I then started using the app, which is like taking everything you read about in the book and having it carefully presented to you bit by bit as you go through the practice. It's the first app that actually made meditation make sense to me, and the results have been life changing for me. It's mindfulness meditation also known as Vipassana, or "seeing things as they really are".
Regarding Yoga, I've been using the "Yoga with Adriene" channel on YouTube. I'm not very experienced with this yet, but taking one of her 30 day journeys was a great way to get into it. I could feel my body get stronger bit by bit, and my awareness of the sensations in my body (something I've struggled with due to repressed trauma) has improved significantly.
A typical therapist is almost zero-impact, you breeze through pre-prepared scripts and they nod and smile and you leave and back-pat and pay a bill. By typical, I mean in the center of the bell-curve. According to my lived experiences, and that of close friends.
A therapist with impact will sit and listen and smile, and then they'll simply repeat something you said or ask an innocent question or laugh, and this small gesture will cause a satori-like awareness of what was previously invisible to you.
I've never found a trauma-aware therapist incapable of reaching out and touching you deeply. This is the "I have rust on my resume, even if you don't code rust" of the therapist world.
[edit: If it needs to be said plainly, run like hell from any unlicensed practitioner who focuses on trauma.]
I wasn't looking for relief from C-PTSD when I converted to Eastern Orthodox Christianity about three years ago, but since I have joined that church, participating in Divine Liturgy at least once a week, and beginning and ending my day with prayer (following the techniques and patterns my priest has taught me), my whole life has been transformed. Not only my life, but the lives of my family are healing dramatically as well. I can't put it into words adequately, but the difference between my life now and just three years ago is so stark that I hardly feel like the same person.
Nothing else has even come close to the impact and depth of healing I have experienced. Other people have shared their experience with "Eastern religions", and I just wanted to share my experiences with you from another mystical tradition that isn't very familiar to most people.
I've tried many different meditations with many different teachers and guides and books, and the ones that I have found most effective for me personally and for people that I have taught, in order of how I'd suggest them:
• Zazen is a simple but hugely impactful meditation, and you can do it anywhere with any length of time as it doesn't require "zoning out". It can be very helpful to sit to do it until you get the hang of it, though. (read Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, it's an easy but meaningful read).
• the practices in The Mind Illuminated book - neuroscientist + meditator modernizes and de-mysticizes older paths. Anytime you get stuck, this is a great way to get unstuck. Find where you are in the journey, and start practicing what he suggests for where you are. It makes a big difference.
• Neti Neti meditation (any thoughts or experiences that arise in meditation, you think "not that" as in "if I can think it, I am not that"). This doesn't need any "lead in" so if you only have a couple of minutes to sit this can be a great way to be impactful during a short time.
• the Brahmavihārā https://accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/nyanaponika/wheel006... this is the best practice I've found for bringing the inner work you do out into the world as a more kind and uplifting human. I think this is best done when you have a while to sit; I have found that the longer you do it in a session, the more densely it gets integrated.
Side note, if you want to explore your inner experience in a more active way, try finding a local meet up that does shamanic drumming with a guide. I know this sounds weird, but our subconscious is all about symbolism, and if you can play along it's basically a short and gentle drug-free psychedelic trip in a good setting that can be very rewarding.
I am really intrigued by this (and I don't find it excessively weird). Would you have any material to recommend if one wants to understand how it works and why before actually trying it?
[1] https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice [2] https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/videos/
Others in the thread have recommended "The Body Keeps the Score", which I also recommend. It is available on Audible as an audiobook as well.
Other books I recommend:
"Self-Parenting: The Complete Guide to Your Inner Conversations" by John K Pollard and Linda Nusbaum.
"How to be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo
"The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture" by Gabor Mate
"When the Body Says No" by Gabor Mate
I practice Mindful Qi Gong (healing movement + meditation) once a week as a part of a 2-hour class, as well as independently on an irregular schedule. It has helped significantly to deal with stress.
I think that for people struggling with issues like CPTSD, ignorance is the first, and largest barrier to healing / recovery / improving. We grow up and enter the adult world and often in many ways "escape" our stressful / traumatic childhoods only to start the process of creating our own trauma and stress as young adults. As we enter adulthood, we may be consciously or subconsciously masking our feelings / hide our pain / run from dealing with our emotions and issues because we want desperately to leave all that behind us. This "running away" may actually compound our problems, leading to destructive behaviors such as substance abuse. Gabor Mate, among others, presents a compelling case that the majority of the people we see on the street struggling with addictions and mental health issues may not have ended up there if they had received proper care and healing, even as adults. If only they had, perhaps, in their more lucid, clearer-thinking, younger days come to understand that they had the need and possibility for healing. The pure ignorance we have about this topic in our society is staggering, considering the widespread impact childhood trauma has on our lives.
I certainly wish someone had sat me down in my 20s and told me directly: "You had a crappy childhood, that sucks. And the effects of the trauma on your physiology and psychology may limit you for the rest of your life. However, there is good news: Now you're an adult and healing is possible."