Being A Regular | Hacker News Reader

Being A Regular

forbes.com

28 pointsphiltoronto14 comments

Summary: brown-nose and get favorable treatment at restaurants.

EDIT: Sorry, I'm not usually that harsh but in this instance I felt it was called for. To those who are downvoting me, please explain how this is not a concise summary of the article.

2nd EDIT: Seeing that I'm still getting downvoted by people who don't reply, let me be clear about why I'm using the term "brown-nosing". In order to achieve preferential treatment, the article advocates to:

* always eat and drink the same thing (regardless of what you actually feel like having)

* always sit in the same place (regardless of where you'd like to sit that night)

* make it a point to address people by first name (even if otherwise you'd give a shit)

* tip generously (regardless of service quality.) In other circumstances some people might be inclined to call this a bribe.

To me, this is the very definition of brown-nosing: trying to please others while acting against your own (short-term) interests, having long-term gains in mind.

Brown-nosing means toadying, not tipping well, which is actually a signal of superiority.

Why the negative terminology?

Fair enough, burgerbrain (wish there was a friend list here on HN.) Let me try again. How to be a regular:

Be a decent human being. Be a nice guy. Treat staff with respect. If you're getting good service, tip well.

There's no need to memorize waiter's names: if you're a regular, that will come naturally.

There's no need to always order the same thing (how boring!)... if you're a regular, staff will figure out what your preferences are.

No need to tip exceptionally well. If you're getting treated well, you'll tip well. If you're not... then maybe it's not the place you want to take your business acquaintance to anyway.

And sit wherever you please! If you're a good guy people will still remember you even if you don't sit in the same chair every night.

I personally find it difficult to do what this article says. Maybe it's because I'm a pathologically shy Italian living in a pathologically self-embarrassed UK culture...

I'm a "regular" at a few coffee-shops and supermarkets near home, I'm pretty sure most of the staff recognize me like I recognize them, and they do know my "favourite" items, but I don't know their names and we've never really had any interaction outside the expected me-customer-you-barista set of requests. They don't even tell me if there's a promotion or fidelity scheme! The only "extra" I get is that they don't tell me they'll close in 15 mins and "please get out", they just assume I know (which is true).

Of all these the only thing I do is tip well. When you treat the help right, they will often times be more loyal to you than to the management. From tipping well, I've had the following experiences.

1. I was out at a bar with a bunch of friends maybe 8 or 10 of us and we had been tipping her pretty well for about 45 minutes. I told the waitress she looked like she was from the 1880's. A couple witty banter exchanges later, I convinced her to give us shots for 'two bits', which is a quarter, but she interpreted it as being two quarters. I wasn't going to complain and we got shots for the rest of the night for fifty cents. I had never been in this bar by the way.

2.I was out at one of the nicest restaurants in town with my new girlfriend of few weeks and her friends. I had tipped one waitress pretty well a few times earlier. I got up out of my seat and approached her privately and told her that one of my girlfriends friends was having her birthday tonight. Her friend was really into pink princessy stuff and wondered if she could bring her a drink. She brought out this giant glittery goblet drink thing on a plate drizzled in iceing with whipcream all over. My girlfriend and her friend were impressed.

2. The same waitress above and my girlfriend and I went out on a beer tasting trip. I knew the couple three beers I was interested in trying, but my girlfriend didn't. So my girlfriend got to taste all the beers in the place that she wanted before she ordered her beer.

From my experiences tipping well is really what you should focus on.

id also suggest not referring to them as "the help"

I hesitated a bit on the term, but I wanted to include everyone from waitress to dishwasher.

As soon as I start becoming a regular somewhere, I try to not go there as often. I hate forced smalltalk with people.

The easiest way to get someone to remember your name and treat you like you matter is to take the first step in treating them that way yourself. Be friendly, remember their name, compliment them, laugh with them, ask about kids, whatever. There's nothing unique about the staff at restaurants, they're people just like you and me. Like most people, they will be nice to people who are nice to them.

Having people say your name gives a good psychological hit of goodness, but the only reason you'd be willing to spend the time and money required on this is to gain a greater advantage.

So you're trying to impress someone else. And worse, you're trying to impress someone who you think gets impressed by this kind of thing.

While I agree that this is slightly cynical, you're approaching this as though it's also exploitative and one-sided. If you're a good tipper and frequent diner, there's a strong financial benefit to the employee and it turns into a mutually-beneficial business relationship.

If not, then you're an obviously-manipulative asshole who tips poorly. A regular who's transparently manipulative and a poor tipper has a good chance that someone on the other side of the relationship with a similarly exploitative value system will find a way to settle the score.

At some point we will have to stop and ask ourselves what's the point. Lack of self esteem starts when you begin to want approval from people around you. Listen, fuck this. Be your own person.

If you cannot get a table at this place, go to the next one. The "hole in the wall" where no-one gives a rat's ass if you are regular or not, they just love what they do and take care of people.

I was a bartender for 4 years and yes I had lots of regulars whom I enjoyed talking to, but I can tell you that there are lots of times when someone totally new would come in and make our day just by being themselves. If your bartender cannot appreciate that, then so be it.

In my experience, "hole in the wall" places like regulars even more than other places.

This being a regular isn't about self esteem or the approval of others, it's about making your life more comfortable. Presumably you're going to eat out or drink or whatever anyway, so why not make it a little more pleasant?

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