Being Mixed-Race Is Weird | Hacker News Reader

Being Mixed-Race Is Weird

somethingdecent.co.uk

4 pointsmakingstuffs9 comments

Before the dawn of the Internet age, when rotary phones walked the earth, I was an ardent college student of foreign stuff, surrounded by other equally ardent students, many of them actual foreigners. In an environment so full of youthful ardentness, there were many inter-cultural/racial romances, which led to marriages, which led to children. One subject I never heard raised among my peers in school was, "What will life be like for our mixed children?"

Enough time has passed now that I've watched those children become become adults, and have had a few pass through my office, where conversation sometimes gets into personal issues. A common subject among mixed-heritage students, once they start to open up with you, is the awkwardness of their social situation. I have never once heard a "hafu" opine on the benefits of standing with one foot in two different cultures.

This is a terribly difficult thing to talk about, because it's so easy to get your nuances wrong and have people take offence. But we are talking about something that will be a major factor in the emotional tone of a kid's life.

If you have or plan to have mixed-heritage kids, arrange for them to grow up in a community where they will have many peers in the same situation. I've given this a lot of thought over the years and I think that is the only really good way to provide them with an emotionally secure environment.

> A common subject among mixed-heritage students...

Is 'heritage' as used here a synonym for race? In my case, my children have one parent from an Anglophone country and one parent from a Francophone country, but both parents are white - would you include them in the group of mixed heritage children?

I use "heritage" instead of "race" so as to cover any situation where a person's dual ancestry can mark them as an outsider. This could be based on race, religion, ethnicity, or any other factor by which people decide someone is "not one of us". I assumed it would be understood that a specific mixed-heritage is an issue only when living in a community where such a distinction is made. For example, I don't think there is anywhere in America where being part French would mark you as an oddity, but there was a time when being part Irish would. In that case, I argue the thing to do is place the children in a community where being part Irish is the norm. The point is to raise children in a social situation where they don't feel singled out by their peers.

Thanks for the reply - I understand.

In my case we’ve largely aligned with this perspective. The kids go to a French/English bilingual school with a large (+30%) cohort of non-French national students. Their friend/peer groups are diverse and wouldn’t be singled out for their backgrounds - although, like kids all over the world, there are plenty of other ways that kids will get singled out (height, weight, wearing glasses…).

Am I right in the thought understanding ‘hafu’ is a term for a mixed race person? If so I agree with you (I wrote the article) that it’s terribly difficult to talk about for the exact reasons you’ve said: you don’t want to offend anyone.

It ended up being a huge part of my life and I have only really been coming to grips with it all, personally, in the past 5 or so years. After 30 years of not really understanding myself or my place in the world.

I just wanted to post this to try and start a discussion about it as I do not think it is something which is considered very much in our ever increasingly polarised worldviews.

"Hafu" originated as a Japanese term for half-Japanese persons, though usage has spread to other cases. I chose it because most terms used for mixed-heritage people have derogatory connotations but "hafu" leans somewhat positive.

When I listen to these students, the core complaint I hear is that they feel there is no social group where they can feel completely accepted. I'm afraid my advice may sound either trite or unrealistic, but it's really the only thing I can think of that could have been done to better their social experience.

I have a story to illustrate how social difficulties can come from a direction you don't expect. I have a Korean colleague who went to France for her sabbatical year, taking her grade-school son. When they returned to Korea her son apparently displayed "French" behaviors which led to his classmates ostracizing and bullying him. My colleague resolved the problem by transferring her son to a school in a more affluent neighborhood where the kids did not perceive him as odd.

Thanks for sharing, I grew up in PNG, where the culture, generally, was way more egalitarian.

I had all mammer of friends from diff races/cultures, seeing each other as different, or better/worse, was much less prevalent than in PNGs former colonial administrator -Australia.

Most of my friends weren't white, or were mixed race...

I finished my high-school and university study in the latter, the differences were quite marked, though they have equalised somewhat, over the last 25yrs.

Still, to this day in Australia, I don't have anywhere near as many coloured friends/associates, as I did as a child & preteen/early-teen in png.

FYI & FWiW I was in PNG in the 80s when NDW took a poke at the barely departed colonial adminstrators ( Kiap's ) in The Kiap Song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FK5N_ObFeQ

Tabaran was a fine song by George Telek

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdvNFKL8h2U

I have been meaning to write an article on this topic for a while as it is something which is very close to me.

Now that I have done so I figured I’d share it here in case it helps/resonates with anyone

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