I live in a cosmopolitan city in India. I am an “upper caste” Hindu. I have been brought up in a relatively liberal environment and have not experienced much first hand caste-based discrimination (because of my sheltered upbringing no doubt). I have always thought of my family as liberal.
A few years ago, I wanted to marry a girl who was out of my caste. My family did not accept her immediately. They never uttered the word “caste”, but made snide remarks about “her community”, and about how “our community” is full of “ambitious intellectuals” and hers is not (implying moral superiority to ambition and intellect). They had not even met her. They just knew her surname and had seen pictures. Made me wonder where all of these assumptions came from.
She was not privy to these conversations but she realised that something was not right, and asked me if caste was being an issue.
And that’s when it struck me that maybe it was caste that was being the issue. My mind swirled with nasty thoughts for a few weeks. “Should I marry this girl who is outside of my caste?”, “What if no one accepts me? I’ll be alone”, etc. For someone who is fairly liberal, well educated, and well travelled, I was shocked at the kind of thoughts appearing in my mind. They were more powerful than I ever thought they could be.
Thankfully, due to my meditation practices, I had developed the ability to “witness” my thoughts without simply giving in to them. That way, I could let my thoughts flow, and wait for my fear to pass. After the fear had passed, my mind would settle down and I’d think rationally again.
What’s the point of this anecdote? I had an important realisation. It is quite possible that the things we call “casteism” is nothing but a flavour of the fear of abandonment, or the fear of being expelled from society by not conforming to societal standards. I realised that the standards can be absolutely absurd, but it is the mere fear of being abandoned by society that can make a human being conform and commit the most ridiculous actions. All out of fear.
Take whatever conclusion you may from this. It is an insight into the mind of someone who never thought would discriminate on the basis of caste, and yet my mind veered into that abyss, if only for a short duration. I escaped and lived to tell the tale. Thanks for reading.